求帮忙改改雅思小作文,麻烦详细点.剑九 TEST 3.好的话有加分的,求指点马上就要考了,还没怎么准备呢,作文跪求5.5啊.着急死了.The charts clearly indicates the ages of the population of Yemen and Italy in 2000 an

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求帮忙改改雅思小作文,麻烦详细点.剑九 TEST 3.好的话有加分的,求指点马上就要考了,还没怎么准备呢,作文跪求5.5啊.着急死了.The charts clearly indicates the ages of the population of Yemen and Italy in 2000 an
求帮忙改改雅思小作文,麻烦详细点.剑九 TEST 3.
好的话有加分的,求指点马上就要考了,还没怎么准备呢,作文跪求5.5啊.着急死了.

The charts clearly indicates the ages of the population of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projection for 
2050.


To begin with,the first chart of Yemen reveals in 2000 half of the population were occupied by kids,while the elders merely took 3.6% of total population.And the rest of people,about 46.3% of all were held by the work forces.However,comparing with Yemen,it was an entirely different situation.According to the chart below,there were less than three twentieths of Italian were kids,but almost one quarter of total population were elders.As to the rest third fifth,they were surely the work forces.


Furthermore,in 2050,due to its large occupation of kids,there is believed that over half of entire population in Yemen will be the work forces.Still,less than 6% of total population were elders.And although there may be a decreasing,but,still,about two fifths will be kids.Italy seems to have a less optimistic prospect in 2050,that is over 40% of population will be occupied by elders,moreover kids only took 11.5% of population.The remaining 46.2% will be the workforces.


All in all,it is noticeable that among these two countries,the occupation of old persons is likely to increase gradually and alternatively the kids is about to decrease in 2050.

求帮忙改改雅思小作文,麻烦详细点.剑九 TEST 3.好的话有加分的,求指点马上就要考了,还没怎么准备呢,作文跪求5.5啊.着急死了.The charts clearly indicates the ages of the population of Yemen and Italy in 2000 an
最严重的问题,你task response这项可能会扣分,你人口年龄分类这块你没说明白.图中明显地给你分了年龄段了,你别无视它啊.至少也得用一次,再在下文进行the elder之类的指代.建议你在开头段说一下年龄分类,...divided in three age groups,namingly 多少多少岁,交代清楚.
还有你小孩儿这一项千万别用kids,这表达不正式,你用children都比这强.建议用those who aged 多少到多少.the 6-14 category,等等表达.elders和workforces也有点用滥了,注意替换.
我觉得不是situation,有点别扭,我觉得用picture好些吧,没大问题,个人习惯.
还有一事,行文中别用below,因为你答题纸上下面没图,切记!
俩国家是between those 2 countries
你的比较方向和结构这大方向很对,描述很有动感,词汇使用上很大胆,继续保持
另外,注意你的同义替换,别主观臆断,想什么写什么,根据图表来写.
总体来说没有你test 4那篇写的好,差不多6分吧,把错误改改很容易到7以上.

求帮忙改改雅思小作文,麻烦详细点.剑九 TEST 3.好的话有加分的,求指点马上就要考了,还没怎么准备呢,作文跪求5.5啊.着急死了.The charts clearly indicates the ages of the population of Yemen and Italy in 2000 an 求帮忙改改雅思小作文剑九 TEST 3 task1The pie charts shows how the population consist of by three group of different age range in Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050. As can be seen from the graph, in Yemen, apart from the gro 雅思小作文求修改! 求帮忙估分雅思小作文剑九 TEST 3 task1这是我写的小作文,请考过的同学估分!The following pie chart shows the proportion of people between 0 to 14 years,15 to 59 years and more than 60 years in Yemen and Italy in 2000 and gives 雅思大牛们,麻烦帮忙看看这篇作文吧!麻烦各位大牛看看有什么问题,哪里需要提高...话说我之前考,写作最高也就5.5 ,太低了太低了...现在想要提到6...有好心大牛能够帮忙改改更好啊!An increasi 帮忙改改 求改雅思作文剑7的Test 1的Task 1,请大家帮忙改改,谢谢======= This table shows the changing proportion of national consumer expenditure by category between five different countries in 2002. As can be seen from the chart,Food Drinks 雅思的高手请进,准备考雅思,求推荐几本参考书麻烦说的详细点,词汇,听力,口语,阅读,写作,哪些参考书比较好,非常感谢! 还有一个星期我就要考雅思了 作文方面急需提高 望雅思大神帮忙改改我的小作文 table below gives information on consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002.　　Summarise the information by s 急求雅思小作文的 模板, 怎么提高 雅思写作 我高3毕业了 雅思 听力 口语 写作只有3分 .我要考到5分 麻烦具体点 小作文 和 大作文怎么些 我在雅思班上课 感觉 写作效果不大~ 答题有奖,这小4题没看懂,麻烦各位,写详细点,求过程 《我的理想》作文,求大神帮改改.可以帮我改一改的麻烦私信我.就三段话. 我的雅思小作文谁能帮忙改改writing test 1 According to the chart that shows some figures of Japanese tourists travelling abroad.From the table we can clearly see that in the year between 1985 and 1995,more and more Japanese perfer to trav 雅思小作文范文 雅思小作文 【雅思大作文】求批改,求帮忙改改语法啥的,马上要考试了.社会（平均寿命）Topic:Survey shows that in many countries across the people are living longer but increased life expectancy has many implications for the aging indi 麻烦帮我改改!