请帮我看一下雅思大作文,感激不尽,评分与修改,我又来了,这回是文章,上回抱歉啊,太匆忙了,请帮我看看There has been a debate about whether young people should go out for work or having trip for a year before enterin

请帮我看一下雅思大作文,感激不尽,评分与修改,我又来了,这回是文章,上回抱歉啊,太匆忙了,请帮我看看There has been a debate about whether young people should go out for work or having trip for a year before enterin
请帮我看一下雅思大作文,感激不尽,评分与修改,
我又来了,这回是文章,上回抱歉啊,太匆忙了,请帮我看看
There has been a debate about whether young people should go out for work or having trip for a year before entering the university.Some people maintain that young students should train themselves regarding social experiences and widen their knowledge at that age.The trend has both benefit and drawbacks.
Young people find a job or take a trip at such an age may not be unwise.They are still a child that can not identify the negative of society.Therefore young students may easily be cheated.On the other hand,after experienced for a year in society,they may distracted the attention from the class,feeling not adapted to their new life in university.
On the contrary,people who support the aspect believe that young students have the ability to face various social phenomenons.It provides a good opportunity for them to gain some experiences .Meanwhile,students can be surely widen their horizons and enhance the capacity of adjustment.Unlike students graduating from high school and staying at home have nothing to do.They enjoy the achievement of what they have done,and learn the process of earning money is hard.In a word,there are more advantages to propose youngsters should work or travel for a year.
All in all,students can turn to be very mature after having worked for a year.There are both merits and demerits.But I firmly hold that youngsters should be encouraged to work or travel before they get to the university.
in some countries young people are encourage to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.discuss the advantages and disadvantages gor young people who decide to do this.

请帮我看一下雅思大作文,感激不尽,评分与修改,我又来了,这回是文章,上回抱歉啊,太匆忙了,请帮我看看There has been a debate about whether young people should go out for work or having trip for a year before enterin
5.5
有不少的语法错误,如：Unlike students graduating from high school and staying at home have nothing to do.中没有主语.
段与段之间衔接不对应.第3段说PEOPLE WHO SUPPORT...,但是第二段中开头并没有说PEOPLE WHO AGAINST...
题目要求写ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGE
那你的结构很不清晰.
写这类题目,
第一段应该肯定有ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES （你写了）
第二段首句就应该马上很明确的指出有ADVANTAGES（你没写）,然后在补充有什么具体的ADVANTAGES
第三段同上（写的是DISADVANTAGES）
而第四段你虽然指出了同意 work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies的观点.但是写了不够好,应该进一步提出：虽然这个现象有好有不好,但是只要我们minimise the nagative effects,对年轻人还是很有好处了.
建议你做题前认认真真审好题,定好结构再下笔.

如果是去考国外大学，写得已经很标准了，写作这一项可以放心了；如果是读去研，写得还是稍中规中矩了点，应加强例证及高级词汇的使用；开头结尾比较干练，切题快，无模版使用之嫌

没有什么亮点啊