雅思大牛请进,求改雅思大作文~我写了一篇雅思大作文,不知道能得几分,感激不尽~Nowadays,a great number of parents have to make a difficult decition——whether they should send their children to universities or not becaus

雅思大牛请进,求改雅思大作文~我写了一篇雅思大作文,不知道能得几分,感激不尽~Nowadays,a great number of parents have to make a difficult decition——whether they should send their children to universities or not becaus
雅思大牛请进,求改雅思大作文~
我写了一篇雅思大作文,不知道能得几分,感激不尽~
Nowadays,a great number of parents have to make a difficult decition——whether they should send their children to universities or not because they have to pay the full charges for tuition .Thought some students got good grade in the university entrance exam,they may loss the chance to entre the famous university because their were born in a low income family.Some people believe that it is unequal because everyone should enjoy the right to receive the high quality in education if they have the ability.However,others think students have to pay the full charges for tuition because the university education brings benefits to students themselves but not the society.
Personnly,I do not think the reason why students have to pay full charges to the university is not because universities make no contribution to the society.And I do believe that university education is beneficial to both students and society.
Firstly,it cannot be denied that the knowledge which is learned by students in university is essential to the improvement of the society.What I mean is that the society need the people who have the ability to master he highest point knowledge.
Secondly,it is unappropriate to deprive of the right of students to entre the university as the reason of money.I suggest that the local government can bulid a fund to help these poor students.
Thirdly,as we all know,the main reason why people study is to find the right occupation in the society.After graduate from university,people will find a job which is connected with their major and use their knowledge to deal with problems during their work.Meanwhile,they also make great profit to the society.
All in all,university is a place where people can learn the highest point knowledge and it can make a great contribution to not only the students themselves but also the whole socity.Althought the full charges of tuition is quite high,I am conviced that the authority will change this situation.

雅思大牛请进,求改雅思大作文~我写了一篇雅思大作文,不知道能得几分,感激不尽~Nowadays,a great number of parents have to make a difficult decition——whether they should send their children to universities or not becaus
我7月31号考的雅思大作文就是这个题目...本人那次雅思7分,改这个应该还是够资格了.好了,具体看一下.
单从词汇角度来说：
第一段：
decition改decision
thought改though
grade改marks
the famous university改some famous ones
enjoy改share
receive后的the去掉
第二段：
第一句用了三重否定,得去掉几个.do not think,not because,no contribution里,根据你后来的意思看我觉得把中间的去掉比较合适.
第三段：
knowledge前的the去掉
what I mean这种说法一般用于口语中的争论而非正式写作,最好换成别的表达方式.
你跟老外说master he highest point knowledge老外绝对看不懂.是想说“掌握知识的制高点”是吧,可是外国人没这个说法啊!就说a sound of knowledge就行了
第四段：
deprive本来就是动词,就不用再接个of了,把后面的of去掉
students to entre由于前面的the right of 的缘故只好改成ing 形式students entering
建立基金不是build a fund,是set up foundation
第五段：
第一句要么写成the main reason why people study is finding要么写成the main reason people study is to find
graduate改成graduating
great profit前面加个a
第六段：
如上文说的,得把知识的制高点这种中式英语改了.
althought拼错了,应该是although
authority是权威(机构,人士)的意思,放这有点不合适.就说local government就行.
change this situation说法也比较中式,改成make some change就行,不过这个问题不大.
总的来说文章出现了比较多的拼写错误,而且很多词语估计你写的时候比较想当然吧,出现了不少中式英语.这样的话在考场中难免更加紧张出现更多错误.另外幸亏这个文章写成一边倒的也行,多数时候最好还是正面反面都写一段然后再加上自己的观点一段那样布局,而不是先这样三个论点每个论点一段.何况这三个论据我也没看出严密的逻辑顺序.不好意思,坦白的说我估计这个文章只能打5分左右.
强烈推荐你反复看看剑2到剑7的考官范文,很有意义的.另外还有本《十天突破雅思写作》估计很多人都推荐了吧,也应该看看.
作文这玩意没什么巧的,多写多改肯定能有提高.还有什么困惑给我留言吧,我知无不言.