动物幽默英语小故事

篇一：英语幽默小故事

1、New Discovery

A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young

model stepped off the elevator.

Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, "I shouldhave brought my wife!"

新发现

一个乡下人第一次到大城市游逛。他走进一座大楼，看见一个岁数很大的矮胖女人迈进一个小房间。房间的门随后关上，有几个灯在闪亮。一会儿，门开了，电梯里走出一位年青漂亮的女模特。

乡下人惊奇地眨着眼睛，慢吞吞地说：“我应该把我的老婆带来!”

hillbilly

n. 乡下人，乡巴佬.

pudgy

adj.矮胖的，矮而粗的

drawl

vt, vi慢吞吞地说；拉长语调地说

2、Always Thirsty

"I had an operation," said a man to his friend, "and the doctor left a sponge in me."

"That's terrible!" said the friend. "Got any pain?"

"No, but I am always thirsty!"

总感到口渴

一个男人对他的朋友说：“我动了一次手术，手术后医生把一块海绵忘在我的身体里了。”

“真是太糟糕了！”朋友说道：“你觉得疼吗？”

“不疼，可是我总感到口渴。”

He Won

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

他赢了

汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？

约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。

汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？

约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan.

"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”

“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。

“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。

“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."

"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，?醉?字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”

Hospitality

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a

moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

好客

由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。

英语小笑话

上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, "Do you

know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著 性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的

一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是

A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟 能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了.

A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"

一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"且话偻蚰昴?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."

1,Two birls

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

两只鸟

老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？

学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老师：请说说看。

学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

2. The Fish Net

"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"

"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

鱼网

"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。

"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。

3. The New Teacher

George comes from school on the first of September.

"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.

"I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."

新老师

9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。

"乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。

"妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。"

4. A physics Examination

Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.

The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?

Nick\'s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.

一次物理考试

在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。

这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？

尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。

篇二：英语幽默小故事6篇

1、Good use of cry 哭的妙用

The parents with their three-year-old son went to see film.

When they walked into the cinema, the attendant said to them,

“you’ll have to go out if your son cries. But we’ll refund

you the tickets.” About half an hour later, the husband

asked his wife, “What do you think of the film?”

“I’ve never seen such a boring film.” His wife answered.

“It’s not worth seeing.”

“I don’t think much of it, either.” The husband said.

“Wake the child up and let him cry.”

一对夫妇带着他们3岁的儿子去看电影。进电影院时，服务员对他们说：“如果你们的儿子哭了，你们就得出去。不过我们会给你们退票的。”大约半个小时以后，丈夫对妻子说：“你觉得这电影怎么样？”“我从没看过这么没劲的电影。”妻子回答说，“真不值得看。”“我也不喜欢看。”丈夫说：“叫醒孩子，让他哭。”

2、What a Smart Wife家有笨妻

A newly married woman was sitting on a chair,

looking vexed, when her husband came home.

"What's up? Why do you look so troubled?"

the husband asked. The woman replied,

"I'm so sorry. I was ironing your new suit and

burned a hole in your trousers." And the man said,

"That's all right. I have another pair that is exactly the same."

"Thank God you do. I used it to mend this pair,"

the wife responded.

有一个刚结婚的太太，坐在椅子那边，看起来很懊恼，她先生回家看到她这个样子，就问：‘嗨，你怎么啦？为什么看起来这么懊恼呢？’太太说：‘很抱歉，你那件新做的西装裤被我烫坏了，烫成一个洞了。’他先生说：‘啊！那个没关系啦！我还有另外一件一样的裤子。’ 她说：‘是啊，还好我把那件新的拿出来补那件被我烫坏的。’

3、Endearing terms

英语幽默故事:可爱的称呼

Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That is really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, and you keep calling your wife those pet names." Morris hung his head and whispered," To tell the truth, I forgot her name three years ago."

Bernie应邀来到他的朋友Morris家吃晚餐。在朋友家，Bernie发现，不管问他老婆什么问题，Morris总要在每句话的前面加上一些亲密的称呼，象蜜糖，我的爱人，亲爱的，甜心等等。Bernie对Morris说，“你们夫妻俩真够亲密的，结婚这么多年了，你还叫她叫得那么亲密。”Morris低下头，小声地对Bernie说，“老实跟你说吧，三年前我忘记老婆的真名是什么了。”

4、Are you a normal person？你是正常人吗？

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director ..., "What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized?" "Well..." said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, and we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon or the teacup." "Noooooooo!" answered the director. "A normal person would pull the plug."

参观一所精神病院的时候一个参观者问院长，“你们是用什么标准来决定一个人是否应该被关进精神病院呢？” “呃? ?”院长说，“是这样，我们先给一个浴缸放满水，然后我们给病人一个调茶匙，一个茶杯和一个水桶去把浴缸里面的水放清。” “噢，我明白了”， 参

观者说。“一个正常人会选择水桶， 因为水桶比茶匙，茶杯的体积大。” “错了”，“院长回答”“正常人会把浴缸塞子拔掉”。

5、英文幽默老虎来了

Two guys were walking through the jungle. All of a sudden, a tiger appears from a distance, running towards them.

One of the guys takes out a pair of "Nikes" from his bag and starts to put them on. The other guy with a surprised look and exclaims, "Do you think you will run faster than the tiger with those?"

His friend replies: "I don't have to out run it, I just have to run faster than you."

两个男人正在穿过丛林，突然，一只老虎出现在远处，向他们冲来。

其中的一个人从包里拿出一双“耐克”鞋，开始穿上。另一个人惊奇地看着他说，“你以为穿上这个就可以跑得过老虎吗？”

他的朋友回答道：“我不用跑得过它，我只要跑得比你快就行了。”

6、Another 40 Years to live

再活40年

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live." Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, lip-suction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even had someone come in and change her hair color, figuring since she had so much more time to live, she might as well make the most of it. She got out of the hospital after the last operation and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 Years? "God replied, "I didn't recognize you."

一名中年妇女心脏病突发被送到了医院， 在手术台上，濒临死亡之际，她看到了上帝， 于是，她问上帝是不是她的日子到头了。 上帝回答说，“还没有，你还能活43年，2个月零8天。” 身体快要康复的时候，这名女士想到自己还要活那么多年，得好好对待自己，于是决定先不出院，而是去给自己整整容，吸吸脂，隆隆胸，然后还做了一个腹部拉皮和其它一些美容美体手术。 她甚至还请人到医院里面帮她头发给染了。 做完最后一个手术，这位女士出院了， 但就在过马路的时候，她被一辆风驰电挚赶回医院的救护车给撞死了。 再一次，她又站到了上帝的面前，她大惑不解地问上帝，“我记得你说我还能再活40年？” 上帝回答，“那个时候我没认出你来”。

篇三：英语幽默小故事

英语幽默小故事

Where is the egg?

Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word "egg"?

Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.

Teacher:Then where is the “egg"?

Student:In the cake,Sir.

鸡蛋在哪里？

老师：你能用“鸡蛋”一词造句吗？

学生：可以。我昨天吃了一块蛋糕。

老师：“鸡蛋”在哪？

学生：在蛋糕里，先生

Son: Dad, give me a dime.

Father: Son, don't you think you're getting too big to be forever begging for dimes? Son: I guess you're right, Dad, Give me a dollar, will you?

儿子：爸爸，给我一角钱。

父亲：儿子，你不认为你已经长大了，不该再老是一角一角地要钱了(该自立了)，不是吗？

儿子：爸爸，我想你是对的，那给我一块钱行吗？

I'm sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .”

“Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”

“Yes，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”

“对不起，夫人，为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。”

“20美元！为什么？不是说好只要4美元。”

“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四个病人吓跑了。”

Ten Candies

Mother asks her son, “Jim, if you have ten candies, and you eat four, then how many candles do you have?”

“Ten.” Jim says.

“Then,” Mother asks.

“Yes, Mum. Four candles are in my stomach and six candies are out of my stomach. Four and six is ten, isn’t it right?”

十块糖

妈妈问儿子：“吉姆，如果你有10块糖，吃了4块，那你还有几块糖？” “10块。”吉姆说。

“10块？”妈妈问。

“是的，妈妈。因为4块在我的肚子里面，6块在肚子外面，4加6等于10，不对吗？”

It’s Good to Admit a Fault

John is not a “good” student. He always sleeps in the class. Today he sleeps again. “John!” Teacher says angrily.

“What? What’s wrong?” John is awaken.

“Why do you make a face? It’s classroom. Look! Everyone is laughing.” Teacher says.

“No one is laughing.” Teacher says.

“No, it’s not me. I was not making a face. I was sleeping.” John fells upset.

“Um. Not bad. You can admit your fault. You are still a good boy.” Teacher is satisfied with it.

认错

约翰并不是个“好”学生。他总是在上课的时候睡觉。今天他又睡着了。 “约翰！”老师生气地喊他。

“什么？出什么事了？”约翰醒了。

“你为什么要做鬼脸？这是教室！看看！同学们都在笑！”老师生气地说。 “没有人在笑呀。”其他同学笑声地嘀咕。

“不，不是我。我没有做鬼脸。刚才我睡着了。”约翰感到不安。

“嗯，还不错。你承认自己的错误，还是给好孩子”老师为此感到满意。

Adding Feet to a Snake

One day, Mr. Lion holds a party. Many animals come and drink a lot of wine. At last there is a pot of wine. Who can drink it? They drink out an idea and decide to have a match-Draw a snake. If you finish first, you can get it.

Soon Mr.Wolf finishes drawing. “Yeah, I’ve finished. I’m No.1,” he says. But he draws again and says, “Oh, let me add feet and my snake.” At the time, Mr. Gorilla also finishes. He takes away the pot of wine and drinks, then he says, “That isn’t a snake. Snakes have no feet. I get the wine.”

画蛇添足

一天，狮子先生举行一场聚会，许多动物都来了，他们喝很多酒。最后只剩一

壶酒了。让谁喝呢？它们想了想，有个主意。它们比赛画蛇，谁最快画

好，谁就喝这壶酒。

不一会，狼先生画好了。“哈，我画好了，我是第一个。”它说。可是它又画了起来，它还说：“再给它加几只脚吧。”这是猩猩先生也画好了。它拿起那酒壶喝起来。一边喝一边说：“那不是蛇，蛇是没有脚的，我赢了这壶酒。”

Covering One’s Ears While Stealing a Bell

Mr. Wang thinks he is clever, but he always does foolish things.

One day he sees a beautiful bell at the top of a door. “Oh! How nice! I will take it home.” He thinks, “What can I do?” After a while he has a “good” idea. “Aha! I have an idea now. I can plug my ears. Then I will not hear the ring when I take off the bell.”

Then he does so. But as soon as he takes off the bell, the owner opens the door. “What ate you doing?” the owner says angrily.

掩耳盗铃

王先生总以为自己很聪明，实际上他总干傻事。

一天，他看见一户人家的门头有个很漂亮的铃铛。“啊，真漂亮啊！我要把它拿回家去。”他自言自语道：“我该怎么做呢？”过了一会儿他想到了一个“好”主意。“啊哈！我有办法了！我把耳朵堵上，拿铃铛的时候就听不见铃声了。”

于是他就这样做了。可是他刚拿下铃铛，屋子的主人就打开门，怒气冲冲地说：“你在干什么？”

Look at the Sky from the Bottom of a Well

There is a frog. He lives in a well and he never goes out of the well. He thinks the sky is as big as the mouth of the well.

One day a crow comes to the

The crow says, “The sky is very big. You always stay in the well, so you don’t know the world is big.”

The frog says, “I don’t believe.” But the crow says, “You can come out and have a look by yourself.”

So the frog comes out from the well. He is very surprised. How big the world is!

坐井观天

有一只青蛙住在井底，他从来没有去过井外面。他以为天空就和井口一样大。 一天， 一只乌鸦飞到井边，看见青蛙，就对它说：“青蛙，咱们聊聊吧。”青蛙就问

他：“你从哪里来？”“我从天上上来。青蛙惊讶了，就说：“天空就只有这井口这么大，你怎么会从天上飞老呢？”

乌鸦说：“天空很大。只不过你一直呆在井里，所有不知道世界很大。”青蛙说：“我不相信。”乌鸦说：“你可以出来，自己看看嘛。”

于是青蛙来到井外。他十分惊讶，原来世界这么大！

The Clever King Solomon

Long, long ago, there was a king. Solomon was his name. He was very clever.

In his country, there were two women. They lived in the same house and each had a child.

One night, one of the babies died. The dead baby’s mother took the other woman’s baby, and put it in her own bed.

The next morning , they had a quarrel.

“No, this is my baby!” The dead is yours!”

Each one wanted the living baby. So they went to see King Solomon.

“Bring me a knife, cut the child into two and five each woman one half.” said the King. “Oh. Your Majesty! Give her my baby. Please don’t kill my baby!”

Then King Solomon pointed to the woman in teas and said, “Give the baby to her. She is the mother.”

聪明的国王所罗门

很久很久之前，有一位国王，他的名字叫所罗门，他非常聪明。

在他的国家里，有两位妇女，她们住在同一间房子里。各有一个婴儿。

一天夜里，其中一个婴儿死了。他的妈妈抱另一位妇女的小孩，把他放在自己的床上。

第二天早上，他们发生了争吵。

“不，这是我的孩子！这个死的是你的！”

他们都想要这个活着的孩子，于是她们去见所罗门国王。

“给我拿把刀来，把这个孩子切成两半，没人一半。”国王判决道。

“哦，陛下，把我的孩子给她吧。请不要杀了我的孩子！”一位母亲哭喊道。 于是所罗门指着流泪的妇女说：“把孩子给她，她是真正的母亲。”

Two Holes for the Dogs

My uncle has two dogs. One is big and the other is small. He likes them very much.

One day, Mr. Smith came to visit him. When the friend saw two holes in the door, a large hole and a small hole, he was surprised and said, “My dear friend, why are there two holes in your door?” “Let my dogs come in and come out, of course,” Mr. Smith asked. “But why are there two holes? One is enough!” “But how can the big dog go through the small hole?” my uncle said.

Sometimes a clever man may make such mistakes.

两个狗洞

我的叔叔有两条狗。一只是大的，另一只是小狗的。他很喜欢它们。

有一天，史密斯先生来看他。当这个朋友看见门口上有连个洞，一个是大洞和一个小洞时，他感到吃惊并说，“我亲爱的朋友，为什么你的门上有连个洞？”我的叔叔回答说：“当然是让我的两条狗进出了。 ” 史密斯先生问到：“ 为什么门上要两个洞呢？一个就足够了。” 我叔叔说：“大狗怎能走小洞呢？”

有时聪明的人可能会犯这样的错误。