作业帮英语幽默小故事带翻译
来源：学生作业帮助网 编辑：作业帮 时间：2024/09/23 10:25:18 体裁作文
篇一：英语短文笑话(带翻译)
1、How much English can you speak? "Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English." The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?" The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!" 中文翻译 "法官先生，我的当事人被指控偷窃，这是多么不公正啊。他一周前才来到纽约，几乎不认 路。而且，他只会说几个英语单词。" 法官看了看被告，问道："你会说多少英文？" 被告抬起头，说："把你的钱包给我！" 2 A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on average only 15000 words a day, whereas women use 30000 words a day. She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say. He said, "What?" 丈夫给妻子看了一项调查结果， 为了向她证明女人比男人啰嗦。 研究表明男人平均每天使用 15000 个字，而女人每天使用 30000 个。 妻子想了一会儿说，女人每天说的字数是男人的两倍，因为她们必须重复已经说过的话。 他问："什么？" 3 Boy: Is this seat empty? Girl: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. 男孩：这个座位是空的么？ 女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也将是空的。 4、 "Tom, what's the matter with your brother?" asked the mother in the kitchen. "He's crying." "Oh, nothing, Mum," replied Tom. "I'm eating my cake. He is crying because I won't give him any." "But has he finished his own cake?" "Yes." said Tom. "And he also cried when I was helping him finish that." "汤姆，你弟弟怎么了？" 妈妈在厨房里问。"他在哭。" "没事儿，妈妈，" 汤姆答道。"我在吃我的蛋糕。他哭是因为我不给他吃。" "他已经吃完自己的了么？" "是的。" "我帮他吃完时，他也哭了。" 2009-6-7 A guy says to his friend, "Guess how many coins I have in my pocket." The friends says, "If I guess right, will you give me one of them?" The first guys says, "If you guess right, I'll give you both of them!" 路人甲对路人乙说，"猜猜我兜里有几个子儿？" 路人乙说："我猜对了，你能给我一个不？" 路人甲说："你要猜对了，我两个全部给你！" 2009-6-6 研究生和本科生的区别 "I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class," said an instructor at a university graduate engineering course. "When I say 'Good afternoon,' the undergraduates respond 'Good afternoon.' But the graduate students just write it down." 一个教师在研究生工程学课堂上说："我一眼就能看出来哪些是本科生，哪些是研究生。" " 我说'下午好'的时候，本科生回答'下午好'，而研究生则把这句话记在
本子上。" 2009-6-5 Dad: Tom, please tell me, which month has 28 days? Tom: Every month. 爸爸：告诉我汤姆，哪个月有 28 天呢？ 汤姆：每个月都有啊！ 2009-6-4making faces Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child I was told if I made ugly faces, my face would freeze and stay like that". Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned." 史密斯小姐发现她的一名学生在操场上向别人做鬼脸，便去轻责他。 这位主日学校的老师甜甜地微笑着，说："博比，我小的时候，有人告诉我如果我做鬼脸， 我的脸就会僵硬，永远都那么丑。" 博比抬头看了看老师，说："史密斯小姐，你可别说没人警告过你啊。" 2009-6-3 A guy goes to visit his grandma and he brings his friend with him. While he's talking to his grandma, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off. As they're leaving, his friend says to his grandma, "Thanks for the peanuts." She says, "Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off." 一名男子带着朋友去探望他的祖母。 当他和祖母聊天时，他的朋友开始吃咖啡桌上放的花生，并把花生都给吃光了。 他们离开时，他的朋友对祖母说:"谢谢您的花生。" 结果祖母说:"唉！自从我牙齿掉光后，我就只能吮掉花生豆外层的巧克力了。" 2009-6-2 A father was trying to teach his son the evils of alcohol. He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while the one in the whiskey curled up and died. "All right, son," asked the father, "What does that show you?" "Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms." 一位父亲打算让自己的儿子知道酒精有多么可怕。 他把分别把两只虫子放到一杯清水和一杯威士忌里做对比。 清水里虫子安然无恙， 结果威士 忌里的虫子蜷缩了几下就挂掉了。 "所以，儿子啊，"父亲问道，"得出什么结论？" "恩，这说明，你只要喝酒的话，肚里就不会长虫了！" 2009-6-1 Looking very unhappy, a poor man entered a doctor's consulting-room. "Doctor," he said, "you must help me. I swallowed a penny about a month ago." "Good heavens, man!" said the doctor. "Why have you waited so long? Why don't you come to me on the day you swallowed it?" "To tell you the truth, Doctor," the poor man replied, "I didn't need the money so badly then." 中文翻译： 一个看起来很难受的穷人走进大夫的诊室。 "大夫！"他说，"帮帮我！一个月前我吞了一分硬币！" "天哪，"大夫说，"早干嘛去了？你当时怎么不来看？" "实话告诉您吧，大夫，"穷人说，"我当时还不缺钱！" 2009-5-31 Boy: Hi, didn't we go on da
tes before? Onec or twice? Girl: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice. 男孩：嗨，我们之前是不是约会过，是一次还是两次，我忘记了。 女孩：应该只有一次吧，我从不犯两次同样的错误。 2009-5-30 In an entrance examination of a conservatory of music, a teacher asked one of the boys, "What is the most important physiological quality of a musician?" "To be deaf," replied the boy. "Nonsense!" said the teacher angrily. "Why, sir! Don't you know that the famous musician Beethoven was deaf?" the boy asked in reply disdainfully. 在一次音乐学院的入学考试中，老师问其中一个男孩："音乐家最重要的生理素质是什么？" "耳聋，"男孩答道。 "胡说！"老师气愤地说。 "怎么了，先生！难道您不知道大名鼎鼎的音乐家贝多芬是个聋子吗？"男孩轻蔑地反问道。 2009-
ight. 医生：听上去你咳嗽今天好多了。 病人：应该如此。我昨晚练习了一整夜。 2009-5-21 Pete: "The last time I was out hunting, I stepped off a high cliff, and would you believe it, while I was falling every fool deed I'd ever done came into my mind." Bob: "Must have been a pretty high mountain you fell from." 皮特："我上次出去打猎，跌下了很高的悬崖，信不信由你，当我跌落的时候，我脑海里浮 现了我做过的所有蠢事。" 鲍勃："你一定是从万丈高山上跌落的吧。" 2009-5-19 Spending the night with their grandparents, 2 young boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers at bedtime. The younger boy began praying at the top of his lungs:"I PRAY FOR A BIKE... I PRAY FOR A NEW DVD..." His older brother nudged him and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf." To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!" 2 个男孩与祖父母一起过夜，他们跪在床边做睡前祷告。弟弟声嘶力竭地祈祷: "我祈求一辆 自行车，一张新 DVD……" 哥哥用肘轻推他: "你为什么大喊着祈祷？上帝又不聋。" 弟弟答道:"上帝是不聋，但是奶奶聋。" 2009-5-18 A cop spotted a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Coming up beside her, he said, "Pull over!" "No," she replied, "a pair of socks!" 巡警发现一名妇女边开车边织毛衣，便开车上前，说："靠边停车(套头衫)！" "不，" 她回答，"是一双袜子！" In order to prove the harmful effect of alcohol,the teacher put a bug into a glass filled with alcohol,soon the bug died. The teacher asked a student,"what does this show?" The student answered,"It shows that people won't get parasites if they drink more alcohol." 酒的好处 为了证明酒精对生物的危害，老师把一只虫子放入装有酒精的杯子里，虫子很快就死了。老 师问一个学生：“这说明了什么？” 学生答道：“说明人多喝酒，就不会长虫子。”1. Teacher:Some students are becoming arrogant.Do you remember the story about race between the hare and the tortoise?Now,Xiaoming,will you please tell us why the hare was defeated by the tortoise? Xiaoming:Because the hare fell asleep. Teacher:Absolutely right!What should we do so that the hare won't fall asleep? Xiaoming:Exchange the tortoise for the wolf. 把乌龟换成狼 老师：有些同学开始骄傲了，大家还记得龟兔赛跑的故事吗。小明，你说说看，兔子为 什么输给乌龟？ 小明：因为它睡觉了。 老师：对极了！我们应该怎么做才能让兔子不睡觉呢？ 小明：把乌龟换成狼！ Jonesie The Great Lion Hunter A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast. For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping
the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion. In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion. "What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion?" asked the chief. "Forget the damn lion!" he howled. "Which one of you idiots let the bull loose?" 伟大的猎手 Jonesie 有个小村庄正为一只吃人的狮子而烦恼。于是，村长派人去请伟大的猎手 Jonesie 来杀死这 只野兽。 猎手躺着等了几个晚上，但狮子一直没有出现。最后，他要求村长杀只羊然后把头皮给他。 把羊皮披在身上后，猎人到草原上去等狮子。 半夜，村民被从草原传来的声嘶力竭的尖叫声惊醒。他们小心地靠近后，看到猎手正躺在草 地上痛苦地呻吟。没有狮子出没的蛛丝马迹。 “Jonesie，怎么了？狮子在哪？”村长问。 “哪有狮子！”猎人怒吼道，“哪个傻瓜把公牛放出来了？” ——————————————————————————————————————— — Weather Predict A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained. A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm. "This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather. However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks. Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?" The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio is broken." 天气预报 一个电影摄制组在沙漠深处工作.一天,一个印度老人到导演跟前告诉导演说"明天下雨."第 二天果然下雨了. 一周后,印度人又来告诉导演说,"明天有风暴."果然,第二天下了雹暴. "印度人真神,"导演说.他告诉秘书雇佣该印度人来预报天气. 几次预报都很成功.然后,接下来的两周,印度人不见了. 最后,导演派人去把他叫来了."我明天必须拍一个很大的场景,"导演说,"这得靠你了.明天天气 如何啊?" 印度人耸了耸肩."我不知道,"印度人说,"收音机坏了." ——————————————————————————————————————— ——— I Am Acting Like a Lady One day when women's dresses were on sale at the FarEast Department Store, a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece. But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women. He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowed. "You there!" challenged
篇二：英文笑话,带翻译
篇三：最全经典英语故事阅读带翻译全集
最全经典英语故事阅读带翻译全集
寓言成语故事（1-30页）幽默故事（30-65页）普通小故事（65-120页）
能力提高篇（121-180页）英语阅读（181-243页）
通过阅读英语笑话、故事等趣味英语，可以激发小朋友们学英语的兴趣，提高单词量，帮助他们提高成绩。最好每天背一篇，会有不错的效果的 O(∩_∩)O
儿童寓言故事及寓意
A child was careless Ramie stabbed, he rushed home and told his mother: "I only lightly Pengyi what, it was my painful thorns." Mom said: "Because of this, it will thorn you. if the next time you met Ramie, to a
courageous and seize it, it will be in your hands become soft as silk, you will no longer be stabbed. "
一个小孩不小心被苎麻刺了，他急忙跑回家，告诉妈妈说：“我只轻轻地碰它一下，它就刺得我很痛。”妈妈说：“正因为如此，它才会刺你。下次你如果再碰到苎麻，要勇敢地一把抓住它，它就会在你的手中变得柔软如丝，不再会刺伤你了。
A build Carpenter to come forward to advocate the use of bricks as a resist material; a carpenter decided to propose to the enemy using wood is the best method; a cobbler, stood up and said: "Gentlemen, I do not agree with your views and I think that as resist material, as no better than what Paper. "这是说，人们都习惯于从自身角度考虑问题，总认为自己所熟悉的东西是最好的。
It is said that people are accustomed to from their own point of view, the view that they are familiar with what is the best. An old man was gathering
sticks in a forest.
At last he grew very tired and hopeless. He threw down all the sticks and cried out, "I cannot bear this life any longer. Ah, I wish Death would come and take me!"
As he spoke, Death appeared, and said to him, "What would you do, old man? I heard you call me."
"Please, sir," replied the old man, "would you help me lift this bundle of sticks up to my shoulder?"
老人与死神
有个老人在森林中砍了不少柴，十分吃力地挑着走了很远的路。
一路上他累极了，实在挑不动了，便扔下柴担，叫喊起来：“这种日子我受不了了，死神啊，带我走吧。”
这时，死神来了，对他说：“老头，你想做什么，我听见你叫我?”
“先生”，老人说，“您能帮忙将那担子放在我的肩上吗?”
寓意
即使生活不幸，人们仍需爱惜生命。
In the last years of the Warring States period, the State of Qin attacked the State of Wei on a large scale repeatedly and occupied large areas of land, for the State of Wei was too weak to defend itself. In 273 B.B., the qin army launched another attack upon the State of Wei with a momentum more vigorous than ever.
战国末期，秦国向魏国接连发动大规模的进攻，魏国无力抵抗，大片土地都被秦军占领了。到公元前273年，秦国又一次向魏国出兵，势头空前猛烈。
The king of the State of Wei summoned his officials,and asked with a worried look if anyone could propose a way to defeat the Qin army. After years of chaos caused by the wars,the officials trembled when fighting was mentioned, and no one dared to speak ofresistance. At the critical moment when a large enemy force was bearing down upon the border, most of the offinials persuaded the king to sue for peace, at the cost of giving away to the State of Qin the large area of land north of the Huanghe River and south of the Taihang Mountain.
魏王把大臣们召来，愁眉苦脸地问大家有没有使秦国退兵的办法。大臣们由于经过多年的战乱，提起打仗就吓得哆嗦，谁也不敢谈“抵抗”二字。在这大兵压境的危急时刻，多数大臣都劝魏王，用黄河以北和太行山以南的大片土地为代价，向秦王求和。
However Su Dai, a counsellor, did not agree. He hurried up to the king and said:"Your Majesty, they don't think about the interests of the country at all.It is just because they are cowardly and afraid of death that they ask you to sue for peace by betraying the country. Of course you can temperarily satisfy the ambition of the king of the State of Qin is insatiably greedy. It will never stop assaulting us until our land is totally given away.
谋士苏代听了这些话，很不以为然，忙上前对魏王说：“大王，他们是因为自己胆小怕死，才让您去卖国求和，根本不为国家着想。您想，把大片土地割让给秦国虽然暂时满足了秦王的野心，但秦国的欲望是无止境的，只要魏国的土地没割完，秦军就不会停止进攻我们。”
"Once there was a man whose house was on fire. People told him to put out the fire with water, but he would not listen. Instead, he carried a faggot to put out the fire, only to make the fire fiercer. That was because he didn't know that,instead of putting out the fire, faggots could only make it burning
more vigorously. Isn't it equivalent to carrying faggots to put out a fire if you agree to sue for peace at the cost of the land of the State of Wei?"说到这里，苏代讲了一个故事：从前有一个人，他的房子起火了，别人劝他快用水去浇灭大火，但他不听，偏抱起一捆柴草去救火，是因为他不懂得柴草不但不能灭火反而能助长火势的道理。大王若同意拿着魏国土地去求和，不就等于抱着柴草救火吗?”
Though Su Dai's argument was very convincing, the king accepted the suggestion of those officials and gave away to the State of Qin a large area of the land of the State of Wei. For the king of the State of Wei was cowardly and only cared for peace at the moment.As might be expected,the Qin army assaulted the State of Wei on a large scale in 225 B.C.,surrounding the capital city Daliang and flooding it by digging open the dykes of the Huanghe River.The State of Wei was finally destroyed by the State of Qin.This story appears in the Historical Records Written by Sima Qian.
尽管苏代讲得头头是道，但是胆小的魏王只顾眼前的太平，还是依大臣们的意见把魏国大片土地割让给秦国。到公元225年，果然秦军又向魏国大举进攻，包围了国都大梁，掘开黄河大堤让洪水淹没了大梁城，魏国终于被秦国灭掉了。
寓 意
The set phrase"carrying faggots to put out a fire"is used to mean adopting a wrong method to save a situation and ending up by making it worse. 成语“抱薪救火”比喻用错误的方法去消灭祸害，结果反而使祸害扩大。
Once in the Three Kingdoms Period (220-280), the duke of the Wei, Cao Rui, planed to select a very capable man to work for him. He said to his ministers: 'When choosing a talented person, always beware of one with a false reputation. A false reputation is just like a picture of a cake; it can' t ease hunger.' 三国时代魏国的皇帝曹睿，准备选拔一个有才能的人到朝廷来做官。曹睿对他的大臣说：“选择人才，不能光找有虚名的人。虚名好像是画的一块饼，只能看，不能解决肚子饥饿的问题啊!”
寓意
后来人们就用“画饼充饥”这个成语比喻用空想安慰自己，不能解决实际问题。
Later, this idiom came to be used to mean comforting oneself with uealistic thoughts, without solving practical problems.
Fisherman who dragnet, feel very heavy, they danced for joy, thinking that this suddenly catch a lot of fish.
渔夫们拉网时,觉得很沉重,他们高兴得手舞足蹈,以为这一下子捕到了许多的鱼。
the network pulled the shore, network full of stones and other things, not a fish.
哪知把网拉到岸边,网里却满是石头和别的东西,没有一条鱼。
They are very Yusang, did not catch fish inverted worth mentioning at all uncomfortable with the fact that they expected the opposite is true. 他们十分懊丧,没捕到鱼倒也罢,难受的是事实与他们所预想的正好相反。
One of them elderly fisherman said: "friends, not sadness, joy and pain together total, they like a sister. Advance happy we have, and now had to endure the pain a little bit."
他们中一个年老的渔夫说道:“朋友们,别难过,快乐总与痛苦在一起,她们如同一对姐妹。我们预先快乐过了,现在不得不忍受到一点点痛苦。”
寓 意
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