英语幽默小故事200字

篇一：英语幽默小故事

1、New Discovery

A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young

model stepped off the elevator.

Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, "I shouldhave brought my wife!"

新发现

一个乡下人第一次到大城市游逛。他走进一座大楼，看见一个岁数很大的矮胖女人迈进一个小房间。房间的门随后关上，有几个灯在闪亮。一会儿，门开了，电梯里走出一位年青漂亮的女模特。

乡下人惊奇地眨着眼睛，慢吞吞地说：“我应该把我的老婆带来!”

hillbilly

n. 乡下人，乡巴佬.

pudgy

adj.矮胖的，矮而粗的

drawl

vt, vi慢吞吞地说；拉长语调地说

2、Always Thirsty

"I had an operation," said a man to his friend, "and the doctor left a sponge in me."

"That's terrible!" said the friend. "Got any pain?"

"No, but I am always thirsty!"

总感到口渴

一个男人对他的朋友说：“我动了一次手术，手术后医生把一块海绵忘在我的身体里了。”

“真是太糟糕了！”朋友说道：“你觉得疼吗？”

“不疼，可是我总感到口渴。”

He Won

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

他赢了

汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？

约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。

汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？

约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan.

"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”

“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。

“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。

“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."

"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，?醉?字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”

Hospitality

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a

moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

好客

由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。

英语小笑话

上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, "Do you

know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著 性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的

一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是

A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟 能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了.

A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"

一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"且话偻蚰昴?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."

1,Two birls

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

两只鸟

老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？

学生(来自:WWw.zW2.CN 爱作文网)：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老师：请说说看。

学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

2. The Fish Net

"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"

"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

鱼网

"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。

"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。

3. The New Teacher

George comes from school on the first of September.

"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.

"I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."

新老师

9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。

"乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。

"妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。"

4. A physics Examination

Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.

The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?

Nick\'s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.

一次物理考试

在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。

这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？

尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。

篇二：英语幽默小故事6篇

1、Good use of cry 哭的妙用

The parents with their three-year-old son went to see film.

When they walked into the cinema, the attendant said to them,

“you’ll have to go out if your son cries. But we’ll refund

you the tickets.” About half an hour later, the husband

asked his wife, “What do you think of the film?”

“I’ve never seen such a boring film.” His wife answered.

“It’s not worth seeing.”

“I don’t think much of it, either.” The husband said.

“Wake the child up and let him cry.”

一对夫妇带着他们3岁的儿子去看电影。进电影院时，服务员对他们说：“如果你们的儿子哭了，你们就得出去。不过我们会给你们退票的。”大约半个小时以后，丈夫对妻子说：“你觉得这电影怎么样？”“我从没看过这么没劲的电影。”妻子回答说，“真不值得看。”“我也不喜欢看。”丈夫说：“叫醒孩子，让他哭。”

2、What a Smart Wife家有笨妻

A newly married woman was sitting on a chair,

looking vexed, when her husband came home.

"What's up? Why do you look so troubled?"

the husband asked. The woman replied,

"I'm so sorry. I was ironing your new suit and

burned a hole in your trousers." And the man said,

"That's all right. I have another pair that is exactly the same."

"Thank God you do. I used it to mend this pair,"

the wife responded.

有一个刚结婚的太太，坐在椅子那边，看起来很懊恼，她先生回家看到她这个样子，就问：‘嗨，你怎么啦？为什么看起来这么懊恼呢？’太太说：‘很抱歉，你那件新做的西装裤被我烫坏了，烫成一个洞了。’他先生说：‘啊！那个没关系啦！我还有另外一件一样的裤子。’ 她说：‘是啊，还好我把那件新的拿出来补那件被我烫坏的。’

3、Endearing terms

英语幽默故事:可爱的称呼

Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That is really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, and you keep calling your wife those pet names." Morris hung his head and whispered," To tell the truth, I forgot her name three years ago."

Bernie应邀来到他的朋友Morris家吃晚餐。在朋友家，Bernie发现，不管问他老婆什么问题，Morris总要在每句话的前面加上一些亲密的称呼，象蜜糖，我的爱人，亲爱的，甜心等等。Bernie对Morris说，“你们夫妻俩真够亲密的，结婚这么多年了，你还叫她叫得那么亲密。”Morris低下头，小声地对Bernie说，“老实跟你说吧，三年前我忘记老婆的真名是什么了。”

4、Are you a normal person？你是正常人吗？

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director ..., "What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized?" "Well..." said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, and we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon or the teacup." "Noooooooo!" answered the director. "A normal person would pull the plug."

参观一所精神病院的时候一个参观者问院长，“你们是用什么标准来决定一个人是否应该被关进精神病院呢？” “呃? ?”院长说，“是这样，我们先给一个浴缸放满水，然后我们给病人一个调茶匙，一个茶杯和一个水桶去把浴缸里面的水放清。” “噢，我明白了”， 参

观者说。“一个正常人会选择水桶， 因为水桶比茶匙，茶杯的体积大。” “错了”，“院长回答”“正常人会把浴缸塞子拔掉”。

5、英文幽默老虎来了

Two guys were walking through the jungle. All of a sudden, a tiger appears from a distance, running towards them.

One of the guys takes out a pair of "Nikes" from his bag and starts to put them on. The other guy with a surprised look and exclaims, "Do you think you will run faster than the tiger with those?"

His friend replies: "I don't have to out run it, I just have to run faster than you."

两个男人正在穿过丛林，突然，一只老虎出现在远处，向他们冲来。

其中的一个人从包里拿出一双“耐克”鞋，开始穿上。另一个人惊奇地看着他说，“你以为穿上这个就可以跑得过老虎吗？”

他的朋友回答道：“我不用跑得过它，我只要跑得比你快就行了。”

6、Another 40 Years to live

再活40年

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live." Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, lip-suction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even had someone come in and change her hair color, figuring since she had so much more time to live, she might as well make the most of it. She got out of the hospital after the last operation and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 Years? "God replied, "I didn't recognize you."

一名中年妇女心脏病突发被送到了医院， 在手术台上，濒临死亡之际，她看到了上帝， 于是，她问上帝是不是她的日子到头了。 上帝回答说，“还没有，你还能活43年，2个月零8天。” 身体快要康复的时候，这名女士想到自己还要活那么多年，得好好对待自己，于是决定先不出院，而是去给自己整整容，吸吸脂，隆隆胸，然后还做了一个腹部拉皮和其它一些美容美体手术。 她甚至还请人到医院里面帮她头发给染了。 做完最后一个手术，这位女士出院了， 但就在过马路的时候，她被一辆风驰电挚赶回医院的救护车给撞死了。 再一次，她又站到了上帝的面前，她大惑不解地问上帝，“我记得你说我还能再活40年？” 上帝回答，“那个时候我没认出你来”。

篇三：幽默英语小故事(中英文对照)

A Soldier's Brilliant Idea

Mr. Robinson had to travel somewhere on business, and as he was in a hurry, he decided to go by air. He liked sitting beside a window when he was flying, so when he got on to the plane, he looked for a window seat. He found all of them had already had been taken except for one. There was a soldier sitting in the seat beside this one, and Mr. Robinson was surprised that he had not taken the one by the window; but, anyhow, he at once went towards it.

When he reached it, however, he saw that there was a notice on it. It was written in ink and said, "This seat is preserved for proper load balance, thank you." Mr Robinson had never seen such an unusual notice in a plane before, but he thought that the plane must be carrying something particularly heavy in it, so he walked on and found another empty seat, not beside a window, to sit in.

Two or three people tried to sit in the window seat beside the soldier, but they too read the notice and went on, when the plane was nearly full, a very beautiful girl hurried into the plane. The soldier, who was watching the passengers coming in, quickly took the notice off the seat beside himself and in this way succeededin having the company of the girl during the whole trip.

英语幽默：士兵坐飞机有美女陪伴的高招

由于生意方面的事，罗宾逊先生得出趟门。因为有点紧急，他决定坐飞机。乘机旅行时，他喜欢靠窗坐，故而一登机，他就寻找一个靠窗的座位。他发现只有一个靠窗的座位还空着。在那空座位边坐着一名士兵。令罗宾逊先生纳闷的是，这位士兵没有坐靠窗的位置。罗宾逊先生不管那些，他马上径直朝那个空座位走去。

然而，等到了那儿，他看见座位上有则启事，是用钢笔写的：“为保持装载平衡，特预设该位置，谢谢合作。”罗宾逊先生还从来没有在飞机上见过如此不同寻常的启事。不过，他想飞机上一定装了什么特别重的物品，于是他找了个不靠窗的位置。

又有两三个乘客试图坐在那个士兵旁的靠窗座位上，他们看到那则启事就走开了。当快满座时，一位非常美丽的姑娘匆匆走进机舱。一直在注意进舱旅客的那个士兵赶紧拿掉他旁边空座位上的启事。士兵用这种办法，成功地找到了一位姑娘一路作伴。

故事一：

One night a hotel caught fire, and the people who were staying in it ran out in their night clothes.

一天晚上，一家旅馆失火，住在这家旅馆里的人穿着睡衣就跑了出来。

Two men stood outside and looked at the fire.

两个人站在外面，看着大火。

Before I came out, said one, I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money. People don't think of money when they're afraid. When anyone leaves paper money in a fire, the fire burns it. So I took all the bills that I could find. No one will be poorer because I took them.

在我出来之前，其中一个说，我跑进一些房间，找到了一大笔钱。人在恐惧中是不会想到钱的。如果有人把纸币留在火里，火就会把它烧成灰烬，所以我把我所能找到的钞票都拿走了，没有人会因为我拿走它们而变得更穷。

You don't know my work, said the other.

你不知道我是干什么的，另一个说。

What is your work?

你是干什么的？

I'm a policeman.

我是警察。

Oh! cried the first man. He thought quickly and said, and do you know my work? No, said the policeman.

噢！第一个人喊了一声，他灵机一动，说：那你知道我是干什么的？不知道。警察说。 I'm a writer. I'm always telling stories about things that never happened.

我是个作家，我总是爱编一些从未发生过的故事。

故事二：

Three competing store owners rented adjoining（毗连的） shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem（故意的伤害罪，蓄意的破坏） to ensue.

三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺，旁观者等着瞧好戏。 The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, Gigantic Sale! and Super Bargains! 右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：大减价!特便宜!

The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, Prices Slashed! and Fantastic Discounts!

左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：大砍价!大折扣!

The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, ENTRANCE. 中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：入口处。

故事三：

A crowd of student was gathered on the campus of Oxford University. “You can have no doubt,” shouted a young man excitedly, “that if the Dean does not take back what he said to me this morning, I’ll leave Oxford this very evening！”

A buzzing noise followed. “What a man of actions！” one said in admiration. “How should we support him and learn from him！” said another.

Suddenly, a girl asked, “What did the Dean say to you, Hob?”

He bent and whispered to her, “Well,er???er???Miss Rose, er???he told me to get clean away from Oxford this very evening！”

一个言出必行的人

一群学生聚在牛津的校园里，一个年轻人情绪激动地叫道：“毋庸置疑，如果那个家伙不收回他今早对我说的话，我今晚就离开牛津。”

下面一片喧哗。“真是个言出必行的人。”一个人艳羡地说。另一个说：“我们要支持他、学习他。”

突然，一个女孩问道：“那家伙对你说什么了，霍波？”他弯下腰小声说：“哦，呃…呃…，罗斯小姐，呃…他说要我今晚从牛津滚出去。”