雅思大作文,帮忙看看小妹的,评分+建议increasing the price of the petrol is tyyhe best way to solve growing traffic anfd pollution problems.to what extent do you agree or disagree?what other measure do you think might be effective?A lot

雅思大作文,帮忙看看小妹的,评分+建议increasing the price of the petrol is tyyhe best way to solve growing traffic anfd pollution problems.to what extent do you agree or disagree?what other measure do you think might be effective?A lot
雅思大作文,帮忙看看小妹的,评分+建议
increasing the price of the petrol is tyyhe best way to solve growing traffic anfd pollution problems.
to what extent do you agree or disagree?
what other measure do you think might be effective?
A lot of people want to buy a car,which causes growing traffic and it generates carbon dioxide that is harmful to the Earth.Increasing the price of the petrol control the trend of buying car frenzy.However,I do believe that the price can not climb to high because this will cause the unbalance of the economy and the rebel from the people.
First and foremost,price of petrol increase reduce people's desire to have a car.Long-term care and petrol is needed.Thus,people who want to buy a car have to think carefully.If you buy a car,you have to spend a huge amount of money in the car,including petrol.In china,most of the people will determine to save the money and go to work by public transportation,which is cheap and Eco-protective.Hence,I think increase the price is a fabulous method to combat the problem.Nevertheless,I also believe the price can not be too high for the normal income families.Rich people are wealthy enough o afford the increase,but not all the normal can pay super high price.Accordingly,majority will not support it.In addition,petrol owner will earn a lot of money.Oppositely,car producer will experience the difficulties and the bottom of their industry.Consequently,increase of the price should be proper,but it is truly good for solving the growing traffic and pollution problem.
I conclude that increasing the price of the petrol ought to be proper.To solve the problems,I believe promoting the knowledge of environmental protection is more effective and enduring than increasing the price of the license tag.
我觉得第三个问题我很像用一句话概括了,这样可以吗?

雅思大作文,帮忙看看小妹的,评分+建议increasing the price of the petrol is tyyhe best way to solve growing traffic anfd pollution problems.to what extent do you agree or disagree?what other measure do you think might be effective?A lot
1.过度使用同类型从句：提倡使用从句,但是您的从句基本同类型的（状语、名词性从句）,建议努力把一句话变成两句话或多句话来表达；
“A lot of people want to buy a car,which causes growing traffic and it generates carbon dioxide that is harmful to the Earth.”改为“people are always talking about the problem of the increasing price of petrol ,if there is one ,which i take leave to doubt ,then it is the cars which emit carbon dioxide and other harmful gases not the price itself ” ；
2.尽量少用第一人称（或二）：
文中较多,在此举出一例.“I conclude that increasing the price of the petrol ought to be proper.”改为according to the above analysis,we can observe that the increase in the price of petrol should not be taken as the cause of any conflict that arises around the world.alternatively,.
3.分论点不清晰,导致总结失衡,没有力度.如果考官心情很好,总体感觉没有跑题的话会给5分.