来位英语高手帮我斧正下篇刚写的六级作文吧!Should Parents Send Their Kids to Art Classes?Nowadays there are so many parents sending their kids to art classes.What’s more,a lot of attention is being drawn to it and people ‘s idea

来位英语高手帮我斧正下篇刚写的六级作文吧!Should Parents Send Their Kids to Art Classes?Nowadays there are so many parents sending their kids to art classes.What’s more,a lot of attention is being drawn to it and people ‘s idea
来位英语高手帮我斧正下篇刚写的六级作文吧!
Should Parents Send Their Kids to Art Classes?
Nowadays there are so many parents sending their kids to art classes.What’s more,a lot of attention is being drawn to it and people ‘s ideas are various.
On the one hand,some people hold the view that it should be done.First of all,since the parents have became no longer poor as in the old day,they have extra money to invest in the education of their children now.Letting their children take part in the art classes is a convenient way for that.Secondly,nowadays there are many kinds of art classes for parents to choose.A lot of advertises make parents itch to try.The last but not the least,the competitions between children have been keen.Taking part in the art classes can make the children become more competitive.
On the other hand,a great many people insist that parents should not send their kids to art classes.They mainly pointed out that art classes are killing the happy childhood of children,it is harmful to the health of kids.
In my opinion,as the old saying “every corn has two sides”.If things can be done properly,it should be OK.
我不是要翻译啊，这篇文章就是我写的我要翻译干嘛！我是要高手帮我看看哪里写错了或者哪里可以写得更好啊！

来位英语高手帮我斧正下篇刚写的六级作文吧!Should Parents Send Their Kids to Art Classes?Nowadays there are so many parents sending their kids to art classes.What’s more,a lot of attention is being drawn to it and people ‘s idea
第1段
draw attention to 这个短语很少用被动,别扭.改成given attention 稍好一些
various 用得有问题.估计你是不想总用different 想换换花样吧.但various 的含义是“多样”的,下文只提供了两方对立观点,实在谈不上“多样”.
第2段
主题句里的it 指代不明.如果找到上文去,it 实际代的是很多家长送孩子上艺术班这一现象.而“现象”和should be done 显然不搭.改成...think it a good idea to send their children 虽然语言上不甚出彩,但好歹没有大错.
become 的完成时还是become 你应该是笔误了.
become 和no longer 的意思有所重叠.要么说 They are no longer poor(其实这样也不太对) ,要么说 they become richer.如果是我,我会写成they are in better economic conditions than before.
Secondly 这一点,内容上其实说的是艺术班火爆现象的原因,而不是从标题上每个家长选择艺术班的原因,跑题了.其实可以换个角度写：因为艺术班种类多样（various 用在这里很合适）,所以可以 develop some benefitial interst for individual children.
itch to do sth.这个表达我没见过,也没有查到,所以不确定意思上是否合适.
第3段
第二句应该时态应该还是现在时啊,笔误又一个,可惜.
对健康的影响不明显,要么解释一下怎么影响健康,要么干脆不要写健康.
结尾
完全没看懂.就算是借鉴范文也不能借鉴这种让人摸不到头绪的.试着给你写一个吧.
Both ideas make sense to certain extent and the parents should consider the specific conditions of their children before they make the decision.After all,it is their basic hope to make their children well-rouded people.

家长应不应该把他们的孩子们艺术课程吗?
现在有许多家长把他们的孩子艺术课程。更重要的是,很多人的注意是会吸引它和人们的主意是多方面的。
一方面,有人认为,要做的。首先,因为父母有变得不再穷得像在旧的一天里,他们有多余的钱投资于孩子的教育问题了。让自己的孩子参加艺术课程是一种方便的途径。其次,现在有许多种类的艺术课程,父母选择。很多广告使父母跃跃欲试。最后但不可忽略的是,儿童...

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家长应不应该把他们的孩子们艺术课程吗?
现在有许多家长把他们的孩子艺术课程。更重要的是,很多人的注意是会吸引它和人们的主意是多方面的。
一方面,有人认为,要做的。首先,因为父母有变得不再穷得像在旧的一天里,他们有多余的钱投资于孩子的教育问题了。让自己的孩子参加艺术课程是一种方便的途径。其次,现在有许多种类的艺术课程,父母选择。很多广告使父母跃跃欲试。最后但不可忽略的是,儿童之间的竞争也期望如此。参加艺术课程会让孩子们变得更具竞争力。
另一方面,许多人坚持认为家长不应该把他们的孩子们艺术课程。他们主要指出了艺术课程的快乐童年的儿童,这是对健康有害的年轻人。
我认为,作为古老的谚语说"每个玉米有两面”。如果问题可以做的好,应该差不多。

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让我帮你改一改，保证没有错了。建议你逐句比较一下，琢磨到底错在哪里，以便举一反三，改进写作。
另外，最后两段写得太短了，缺乏平衡。
Should Parents Send Their Kids to Art Classes?
Nowadays there are so many parents sending their kids to art classes. W...

全部展开

让我帮你改一改，保证没有错了。建议你逐句比较一下，琢磨到底错在哪里，以便举一反三，改进写作。
另外，最后两段写得太短了，缺乏平衡。
Should Parents Send Their Kids to Art Classes?
Nowadays there are so many parents sending their kids to art classes. What’s more, a lot of attention is being paid to it and people‘s opinions differ.
On the one hand, some people hold the view that it should be done. First of all, since the parents are no longer poor as in the old days, they have extra money to invest in the education of their children now. Letting their children take part in art classes is a convenient way for that. Secondly, nowadays there are many kinds of art classes for parents to choose from. A lot of advertisements make parents itch to try. Last but not the least, the competition between children have been very keen. Taking part in art classes can make the children more competitive, those parents believe.
On the other hand, a great many people insist that parents should not send their kids to art classes. They mainly pointed out that art classes are killing the happy childhood of children, it is harmful to their health.
In my opinion, as the old saying goes, “Every corn has two sides.” If things can be done properly, it should be OK.

收起