港大申请英语简历 求指正!Personal statementI’m astudent who graduated from XXX School in XX.Though it ishard to fulfill,I have a dream of changing the world---the same as Steven jobs’.To achieve my dream,it is beneficial for me to under

港大申请英语简历 求指正!Personal statementI’m astudent who graduated from XXX School in XX.Though it ishard to fulfill,I have a dream of changing the world---the same as Steven jobs’.To achieve my dream,it is beneficial for me to under
港大申请英语简历 求指正!
Personal statement
I’m astudent who graduated from XXX School in XX.Though it ishard to fulfill,I have a dream of changing the world---the same as Steven jobs’.To achieve my dream,it is beneficial for me to understand different culturesand exchange ideas with others.But it seems that mainland universities paymore attention on passing knowledge than motivating student to develop theirown thoughts.HKU combines different cultures,absorbs students from everycontinent,so it is a great place to broaden my horizons and to accumulatesocial experience.
Maybebecause I have learned drawing and playing flute,I have a great sense of arts.What’s more,I can sometimes come up with some ideals which are totallydifferent with others’.Take these into consideration,I found myself suitablefor designing.After hearing some suggestions and thinking in my own,I decidedto major in BA(AS).
In thepast three years,I have improved my abilities in study,organizing and living.I had attended a competition in chemistry and finally won the municipal prizetwo.Thanks to my senior high school,I have many opportunities to helporganizing some activities.Because of living in school with classmates inweekdays,I have to handle some basic problems in myself,which taught me howto live in my own.I’m no longer a simple boy after senior school life.
I willsincerely appreciate it if you can give me the chance.
Thank you!
如果有语法错误,或者更好的用词的话,也请指出来,

港大申请英语简历 求指正!Personal statementI’m astudent who graduated from XXX School in XX.Though it ishard to fulfill,I have a dream of changing the world---the same as Steven jobs’.To achieve my dream,it is beneficial for me to under
Personal statement
I’m a student (space bar) who graduated from XXX School in XX.Though it is (space bar) hard to fulfill,I have a dream of changing this ('this' would be better) world---the same as Steven jobs’.To achieve my dream,it (would be) beneficial for me to exchange ideas with others (around the world with different cultures).But it seems that mainland universities pay more attention on passing knowledge than motivating student to develop their own (perspectives).(Whereas),HKU (encourages students from different continents to share their very own culture),(which) is a great place to broaden my horizons and to accumulate social experience(s).
I have a great sense of arts (due to my studies in flute and drawing).Furthermore,I do often come up with (outstanding ideas,which are brilliant yet practical).(To conclude),I found myself suitable for (the area of designing,and has decided to major in BA(AS) area.)
In the past three years,I have improved my abilities in multiple areas (insert your areas).I attended a competition in chemistry,and won the municipal prize two (after hard works).Thanks to my senior high school,I have many opportunities to help organizing some activities.Because of living in school with classmates inweekdays,I have to handle some basic problems (by) myself,which taught me how to live on my own.I’m no longer a simple boy after senior school life
(Chances only go to the ones that are well-prepared,and I am the prepared one that is waiting for my chance.)
Thank you!
Hope if that helps,some extra points will be good for the editing :))