请大家帮我看看这篇英语作文能有多少分?My Winter HolidayOn my Winter Holiday,did you know what i do First,i help my mom did some chores,like did the laundry,took out the trash ,swept the floor...Second,we family went to the aquarium,i

请大家帮我看看这篇英语作文能有多少分?My Winter HolidayOn my Winter Holiday,did you know what i do First,i help my mom did some chores,like did the laundry,took out the trash ,swept the floor...Second,we family went to the aquarium,i
请大家帮我看看这篇英语作文能有多少分?
My Winter Holiday
On my Winter Holiday,did you know what i do First,i help my mom did some chores,like did the laundry,took out the trash ,swept the floor...Second,we family went to the aquarium,i saw some interesting seals,octopus,and sea lion.Then,we went to the Animal World ,there are very interesting .I like there.I favorite animal is panda ,because it's very cute.So,on my Winter Holiday,i feel very happy.
请帮我指出错处，并加以改正，
Thanks very much!

请大家帮我看看这篇英语作文能有多少分?My Winter HolidayOn my Winter Holiday,did you know what i do First,i help my mom did some chores,like did the laundry,took out the trash ,swept the floor...Second,we family went to the aquarium,i
My Winter Holiday
On my Winter Holiday,did (改成do) you know what i do(改成I did 或I have done) 你是否知道是现在时,我做的事情是过去发生的,用过去时或现在完成时
First,i help my mom did (改成do,help+动词原形) some chores,like did（改成doing,like+sth,比如…) the laundry,took(taking) out the trash ,swept(sweeping） the floor...
Second,we（改成our,我们的,物主代词,we我们,不能直接接名词） family went to the aquarium,I saw some interesting seals,octopus,and sea lion.
Then,we went to the Animal World ,there are （it is,那里很有趣,there are指有…,不表示那里怎么样） very interesting.I like there （可加very much）.
I （My）favorite animal is panda,because it's very cute.
So(In a word 总之,so 是连词不能单独在句首加逗号使用)on my Winter Holiday,I feel very happy.

My Winter Holiday
On my Winter Holiday,did you know what i (1)do ?First,i (2)help my mom did some chores,like did the laundry,took out the trash ,swept the floor...Second,[3]we family went to the ...

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My Winter Holiday
On my Winter Holiday,did you know what i (1)do ?First,i (2)help my mom did some chores,like did the laundry,took out the trash ,swept the floor...Second,[3]we family went to the aquarium, [4]i saw some interesting seals, octopus, and sea lion. Then,we went to the Animal World ,[5]there are very interesting .I [6]like there. [7]I favorite animal is panda ,because it's very cute. So, on my Winter Holiday, i [8]feel very happy.
[1]do-did
[2]help-helped
[3]we-my
[4]加and
[5]将这句改为the animals there were very interesing.
[6]like-liked
[7]i-my
[8]feel-felt
感觉文章有一个问题就是时态问题。 最好统一为一般过去时。加油！

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一般吧，就是有点流水帐而已。
时间不太清楚，是一天内还是一个假期里的事情。
除了描述你帮忙打扫家务，还能不能说说你父母对你的帮忙做家务的看法，是不是觉得你已经长大了。
去水族馆，可以描述一下动物都是什么样子的，和四条腿的动物有什么不同，学到了什么知识。
你说熊猫是你最喜欢的动物，可以描述一下他的样子，还有熊猫也是中国送给外国的礼物，也有外交的作用。
尽量写的...

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一般吧，就是有点流水帐而已。
时间不太清楚，是一天内还是一个假期里的事情。
除了描述你帮忙打扫家务，还能不能说说你父母对你的帮忙做家务的看法，是不是觉得你已经长大了。
去水族馆，可以描述一下动物都是什么样子的，和四条腿的动物有什么不同，学到了什么知识。
你说熊猫是你最喜欢的动物，可以描述一下他的样子，还有熊猫也是中国送给外国的礼物，也有外交的作用。
尽量写的细点。不要太笼统。
还有时态要一致！

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