XXX回国后在黄埔军校任职?如何用英语超表达XXX returened to china and became a leader working for Huangpu Military Academy,这个表达对吗?错在哪儿?

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XXX回国后在黄埔军校任职?如何用英语超表达XXX returened to china and became a leader working for Huangpu Military Academy,这个表达对吗?错在哪儿?
XXX回国后在黄埔军校任职?如何用英语超表达
XXX returened to china and became a leader working for Huangpu Military Academy,这个表达对吗?错在哪儿?

XXX回国后在黄埔军校任职?如何用英语超表达XXX returened to china and became a leader working for Huangpu Military Academy,这个表达对吗?错在哪儿?
xxx took office in the Huangpu Military Academy after he/she returned to China.
这句话很明显有先后顺序的英语重事,所以一般事情放前面后面做时间状语.
你的翻译become a leader 原文并无体现且略显赘余

After returning, she/he serves as (某职位) in the Whampoa Military Academy.

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