帮忙修改雅思作文怎么样能达到6－6．5分?这篇作文能达多少分?The goverment should control the amount if violence in the media.To what extent do you agree?Thanks for the development of modern technolohy.As a kind of modern techno

帮忙修改雅思作文怎么样能达到6－6．5分?这篇作文能达多少分?The goverment should control the amount if violence in the media.To what extent do you agree?Thanks for the development of modern technolohy.As a kind of modern techno
帮忙修改雅思作文
怎么样能达到6－6．5分?这篇作文能达多少分?
The goverment should control the amount if violence in the media.To what extent do you agree?
Thanks for the development of modern technolohy.As a kind of modern technology ,media bring a great deal of conveniece and bennefit to people's daily life.It enriches our leisure time,and makes people well-informed.However,people not only gain positive information,but also get negaive information form media everyday.Nowaday,increasingly number of scenes can be seen from the media.I think itis the time to be in alarm,as the violence scenes are more harmful but no benefit.The reasons are presented below.
First of all,violence scenes are misleading and harmful to people.Especially,it is harmful to the growth of children's mental greatly.Children may think that is correct and heroic,and they may tread others like that way.As for adults,some peoplw imitage the way of crimes,whitch thy seen from media,it leads to the increasing of criminal rate.Secondly,it runs counter to the humancivilization.From acient ages to present society,the human have taken away from savagery,stepped into civilized society,keeping far from violence is a important mark of that,however,it is pretty to be seen that increasingly number of wiolence scenes are showing on media nowaday,we have to say that it is backward if human civilization.Thirdly,it also wast time and money.People should spend their time and money on other things but not wast money on watching those violence races,such as boxing.
It can not be denied that some violence scenes in films are very exciting,and people expect to see the adventural scenes,whitch they can not experience in real life.But abviously,the violence in the media is more disavantages than advantages.Therefore,i suppose that the goverment should take measures to control the amount of violence in the media.

帮忙修改雅思作文怎么样能达到6－6．5分?这篇作文能达多少分?The goverment should control the amount if violence in the media.To what extent do you agree?Thanks for the development of modern technolohy.As a kind of modern techno
恕我直言,你如果要参加雅思考,建议再准备一下吧.你这样写字数是挺多,但是是在非考试条件下写的,如果你在考场里估计不容乐观.我考过几十次雅思,以我的经验,你这样不可能得6分,至多是5.5.我按你的思路改写了一下,仅供参考：
The goverment should control the amount of violence in the media.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Thanks to the development of modern technolohy,nowaday medias have been able to serve people even better in a more efficient and convenient way.With which nowaday people have been well-informed and their leisure time greately enriched.However,unhealthy contents are mixed with the broadened information flows which reach to people every day.Violent contents in medias have reached to an alarmig proportion In this regard,today’s people are exposed to violent scens presented by medias more than ever before.Personally,I think it is time for governments to contain this phenomenon.
Violence scenes presented by the medias could be misleading and harmful to the sound growth of children's psychology.Being frequently exposed to medias containing too much violence produces an illusion to the childern that violent behaviors are something cool,heroic and rightful,and they may try to handle issues in real life by resorting violence.Adults are also under influence,some people acquire criminal means by watching or reading the violent plots or descriptions in the medias.All of that leads to the increase of criminal rate.As is universally acknowledged,violence runs counter to human civilization.Modern people are supposed to get rid of the primitive savagery and live in community life in harmony with others,to keep away from violence is of great significance in the sense of human evolution.Hence violence propaganda in media should be deemed as something undermining human civilization.Furthermore,violent prensentation is of little value in edifying its audience,it offers nothing but the sensuous stimulation.
It is undeniable that some violent scenes in media are very exciting,and the pictures sometimes are gorgeous,this can be good entertainment.But obviously,if medias are infested with violence and being unchecked,that could produce disastrous damage to human society.Therefore,necessary measures should be taken by governments to restrict the abuse of violent content in media.