英语笑话,长一点的,演讲用的,不要对话形式的要个翻译

英语笑话,长一点的,演讲用的,不要对话形式的要个翻译
英语笑话,长一点的,演讲用的,不要对话形式的
要个翻译

英语笑话,长一点的,演讲用的,不要对话形式的要个翻译
A man with a 25 inch long penis goes to his doctor to complain that he is having a problem with this cumbersome instrument and has had more than one complaint."Doctor," he asked,in total frustration,"is there anything you can do for me?" The doctor replies,"Medically son,there is nothing I can do.But,I do know this witch who may be able to help you." So the doctor gives him directions to the witch.
The man calls upon the witch and relays his story."Witch,my penis is 25 inches long and I need help.Can anything be done to help me?You are my only hope." The witch stares in amazement,scratches her head,and then replies,"I think I may be able to help you with your problem.Do this.Go deep into the forest.You will find a pond.In this pond,you will find a frog sitting on a log.This frog has magic.You say to frog,will you marry me?When the frog says no,you will find five inches less to your problem."
The man´s face lit up and he dashed off into the forest.He called out to the frog,"Will you marry me?"
The frog looked at him dejectedly and replied,"NO."
The man looked down and suddenly his penis was 5 inches shorter."WOW," he screamed out loud,"this is great!" But it was still too long at 20 inches,so he decided to ask the frog to marry him again."Frog,will you marry me?" the guy shouted.
The frog rolled its eyes back in its head and screamed back,"NO!" The man felt another twitch in his penis,looked down,and it was another 5 inches shorter.The man laughed,"This is fantastic." He looked down at his penis again,15 inches long,and reflected for a moment.Fifteen inches is still a monster,just a little less would be ideal.Grinning,he looked across the pond and yelled out,"Frog will you marry me?"
The frog looked back across the pond shaking its head,"How many times do I have to tell you?NO,NO,NO!"
不知道你是什么学习阶段的演讲,也不知道这篇的难易程度是否适中,但希望对你能有所帮助

All of these pilot and aviation jokes get me to thinking about my first skydiving instructor. During class he would always take the time to answer any of our stupid first-timer questions.
One guy ...

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All of these pilot and aviation jokes get me to thinking about my first skydiving instructor. During class he would always take the time to answer any of our stupid first-timer questions.
One guy asked, If our chute doesn't open, and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have until we hit the ground?
Our jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan and answered, The rest of your life.
第二个
On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons. Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family´s only cow was lying dead in the field. The situation looked hopeless to her -- how could she possibly continue to feed her family now?
In a depressed state of mind, she hung herself. When the man awoke to find his wife dead, as well as the cow, he too began to see the hopelessness of the situation, and he shot himself in he head.
Now the oldest son woke up to discover his parents dead (and the cow!), and he decided to go down to the river and drown himself. When he got to the river, he discovered a mermaid sitting on the bank. She said, "I´ve seen all and know the reason for your despair. But if you will have sex with me five times in a row, I will restore your parents and the cow to you." The son agreed to try, but after four times, he was simply unable to satisfy her again. So the mermaid drowned him in the river.
Next the second oldest son woke up. After discovering what had happened, he too decided to throw himself into the river. The mermaid said to him, "If you will have sex with me ten times in a row, I will make everything right." And while the son tried his best (seven times!), it was not enough to satisfy the mermaid, so she drowned him in the river.
The youngest son, woke up and saw his parents dead, the dead cow in the field, and his brothers gone. He decided that life was a hopeless prospect, and he went down to the river to throw himself in.
And there he also met the Mermaid. "I have seen all that has happened, and I can make everything right if you will only have sex with me fifteen times in a row."
The young son replied, "Is that all? Why not twenty times in a row?"
The mermaid was somewhat taken aback by this request. Then he said, "Hell, why not twenty-five times in a row?" And even as she was reluctantly agreeing to his request, he said, "Why not THIRTY times in a row?"
Finally, she said, "Enough!! Okay, if you will have sex with me thirty times in a row, then I will bring everybody back to perfect health."
Then the young fellow asked, "Wait! How do I know that thirty times in a row won´t kill you like it did the cow?"
第三个
He was an inventor of note. He created a big shoe with a phone in the heel. Now, he thought, he could use a phone whenever he wanted. He made several more so that he could have several shoes with phones in the house. One day, an emergency came up and he needed a phone bad. Would you believe it, he couldn't find a single phone boot.

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Smartest Man in the World
A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble.
In ...

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Smartest Man in the World
A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble.
In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out.
Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining. The doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so I must live," and jumped out.
The lawyer then said, "I'm a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live." He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.
The priest looked at the little boy and said, "My son, I've lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace."
The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, "Not to worry, Father. The 'smartest man in the world' just took off with my back pack."

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1, Cao. Lunying Xiong and Liu Bei to drink. They drink the Jibei, Liu Bei suddenly put a ring for P, very embarrassing. Is distress, is only behind Guan Yu said frankly: "you-Jianguai, P plume from th...

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1, Cao. Lunying Xiong and Liu Bei to drink. They drink the Jibei, Liu Bei suddenly put a ring for P, very embarrassing. Is distress, is only behind Guan Yu said frankly: "you-Jianguai, P plume from the (rain)!"
Guan Yu voice just down the side of the Zhao Kuaqianyibu, said: "you-Xianguai, P from the clouds!"
Zhao has just Shuiba, Zhang Fei and then cried: "方才a ring for P, P is coming!"
A while everyone laughs. Liu Bei has resumed normal.
Cao. Not laugh, he emotionally on the matter. Liu Bei, who bid farewell after CAO. Subordinates were said to: "Liu Bei's under a see Zhugong have a packed, have vied with one another and the first to make up for the commitment, loyalty is true. Erdeng turn if the matter can be Do it »"
All the people were angry, both think: "is a P, how difficult it!"
After a few days, the CAO. Also requests Liu Bei drink, during which he would like to put a P, to see how the response to his subordinates. Bie for a long time, and finally a small hard Biechu P. Everyone has been waiting a long time, I heard, "Gu" out, the first general Xuchu quickly shouted: "P is Chu (pig)-!"
Wanglang followed by Shizhong said: "P is Lang (wolf)-!"
Cao. Dengqi an eye to, other people think that Cao. Suspected of their slow, the first to have to themselves Lan, Xiahou Dun Zhengzhe Road: "P is Dun (Dun) out!
"Wrong!" Xu Huang listened to loudly refuted, "P-huang, is out!"
Xunyou said: "P is You (You)!"
Man Chong said: "P is Chong (Chong)!"
Jiang Ji said: "P is the economy (squeeze)!"
Figure Guo said: "P is the map (spit)!"
Zhong Yao said: "P is Yao (shake)!"
Then ....
The cattle: "P is Kim (Kim)!"
Cao Hong: "P is the Hong (Red)!"
Zhang: "P South (Blue)!"
Cao. Mianhongerchi long ago, just angry.
Advisor Jia Guo Rang: "not right, not right! Everyone said I was not !"..... deserves the No. 1 Junshi. Cao. Secretly thought.
Guo Jia and then said: "P is chia (folder) out!"
Xiao Liu Bei first-class people have the Dongdaoxiwai ........
Cao. Fainted after the gas.

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