交换生出国英文申请,求高人修改!看看是否有语法错之类的.要求：Personal Statement: This is a brief essay about who you are, what you've done or accomplished, and what your goals are for the future.作文：I am a girl born in

交换生出国英文申请,求高人修改!看看是否有语法错之类的.要求：Personal Statement: This is a brief essay about who you are, what you've done or accomplished, and what your goals are for the future.作文：I am a girl born in
交换生出国英文申请,求高人修改!看看是否有语法错之类的.
要求：Personal Statement: This is a brief essay about who you are, what you've done or accomplished, and what your goals are for the future.
作文：I am a girl born in a small city. The year I was 18, I left my hometown and came to a big city where I am going to study and spent my five-year campus life there. I have learnt to do everything by myself and enjoy good relationship with classmates in the college, which I used to be so much worried about. Be more confident and independent, I really look forward to enjoying a campus life in America. There’s no doubt that I’ll learn much more from the friendly people and culture there where is neither in my hometown nor my country.
I major in Urban Planning in my university, which is a dream for me when I was young. I try my best to learn more about it, and do pretty well in architecture. In addition, I really go for in art designing and painting. The interests and hard-working help me get the first price in a designing competition. When I learnt that my dreaming subject, Landscape Architecture is just available in UC Davis, I was so happy.
Urban Planning is a subject requires various knowledge, science and art, internal and external. And if I get the chance to go abroad means I get the chance to know more. It’s certain that the rich experience will help a girl get closer to her goal, which is to be a qualified expert in Urban Planning. In the near future, I plan to put my knowledge into practice. Teachers and Books teach me what other countries do with city development, but I never really know what it is like. So during the time I study abroad, I want to complete a cognitive map of UC Davis, have a study of image space on small scale.

交换生出国英文申请,求高人修改!看看是否有语法错之类的.要求：Personal Statement: This is a brief essay about who you are, what you've done or accomplished, and what your goals are for the future.作文：I am a girl born in
我不知道你申请交换生是和谁竞争,是本校的固定的名额,主要看你们的作品,定了之后交一份申请走走程序还是要和其他学校甚至其他国家的学生竞争这几个名额,如果是前者,内容算是符合要求.如果是后者,那么这篇东西对申请起着非常重要的作用,因为我估计交换生一般没有面试,所以这是唯一一次你向国外学校展示你自己的优势的机会.可是抛开语法不说,内容上我觉得不够充实,没有足够的展现出你是多么热爱你的所学,你可以做到比周围的人都优秀.当然,我完全可以理解,你所学的专业估计没有在英文写作方面有很多的训练.可是内容上建议你能加上一些具体点的例子,以及你更加真实的感受,减少一些比较笼统的说法.强烈建议你加上这些内容之后去找英文老师再次修改,因为所实话,the structure of your personal statement really needs to be rearranged and some of sentences are not logial enough...Also you include some information that the foreign university is not really care,for example,in the beginning you said:"I am a girl born in a small city.The year I was 18,I left my hometown and came to a big city where I am going to study and spent my five-year campus life there.I have learnt to do everything by myself and enjoy good relationship with classmates in the college,which I used to be so much worried about." Here,I guess you want to show that you improve your life through your own effort.But frankly speaking this is not supposed to be in your statement for exchange because all the students did the same thing.They are all changing their life by themselves and that is what you should do as a college student.Therefore you 'd better really show "who you are",what is the special thing of "you"...Maybe you need to think and then give an example that why you are a special student deserve this exchange opportunity.
我特想给你改改结构的问题可是因为我不知道你的内容能不能动,所以实在难以下手.强烈建议,好好想想内容和结构有哪些可以改进的,然后再找个英文老师改改语法.在此大改给你改下明显的语法错误：
I am a girl born in a small city.When I was 18,I left my hometown and came to a big city for college life.I have learnt to do everything by myself and enjoyed a good relationship with classmates in the college,which I used to be worried about.After being more confident and independent,I really look forward to enjoy a campus life in America.There’s no doubt that I’ll learn much more from the friendly people and culture there where is neither in my hometown nor my country.(这句是想说美国人民和美国文化很友好,中国人和中国文化却不友好吗?孩子,你想夸人家我理解,不能够这样贬低自己的国家和人民啊!我希望这不是你的本意,但如果是,那么我不得不说,如果你不是该领域顶尖的人才,对自己国家的背叛会在国外被人瞧不起,会直接导致你被拒!）
I major in Urban Planning in my university,which used to be my dream when I was young.I tried my best to learn more about it,and did pretty well in architecture(请举例）.In addition,I really go for in art designing and painting（没理解）.The interests and hard-working enabled me to get the first price in a designing competition.When I know that my dreaming subject,Landscape Architecture is just available in UC Davis,I am so happy and decide to apply for exchange.
Urban Planning is a subject requires various knowledge,science and art,internal and external.And if I get the chance to go abroad,it means I get the chance to know more(多余的话啊）.It’s certain that the rich experience will help a girl get closer to her goal,which is to be a qualified expert in Urban Planning.In the near future,I plan to put my knowledge into practice（太笼统）.I leant from teachers and books how other countries carry out their city development,but I never really know what it is like.Hence,during the time I will spend abroad,I want to complete a cognitive map of UC Davis and have a study of image space on small scale.
哎,看你的问题的时候觉得你很不错,我喜欢帮助有梦想又愿意努力的人.这就是为什么我花快1小时给你敲这些东西.但是看到你中间那句话,实在伤心,希望你本意不是那样.否则太令人失望了
Yx i Sverige
恩,楼上的答案很值得学习,比我有耐心多了,赞!

楼上的写得很中肯，再添一点语法建议：
"pretty well" in "I try my best to learn about it, and do pretty well in architecture" 是口语，书面上不可以这样写。用"I did well" or "I did fairly well". "I really go for"也不是书面用语，应该用"I have a ...

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楼上的写得很中肯，再添一点语法建议：
"pretty well" in "I try my best to learn about it, and do pretty well in architecture" 是口语，书面上不可以这样写。用"I did well" or "I did fairly well". "I really go for"也不是书面用语，应该用"I have a strong interest in" or "I have a strong background in"。
不过说你自己“差不多”基本等于什么也没说。如果你想学景观建筑而你的建筑基础自己都评价只是"pretty well"的话，人家会觉得你其实并不是特别感兴趣。而且你现在是本科生，一定要写具体做过的事。比方说你说你艺术设计不错，但这句话太笼统了。艺术设计十分广泛，你是平面还是3d，素描还是油画，特别是学了几年，得的奖是哪个奖，都要写进去。(Also, it's "prize" not "price") 你说你从小的梦想就是城市规划，但没有细节这句话基本等于费话。你初、高中和大学有没有做一些相关的课外活动或者参加一些比赛？即使没有的话也要编一句关于对设计得特别合理的城市的憧憬。另外中国城规从基本发展到融合老建筑问题多的去了，如果你真的对城规感兴趣的话，可以写一写你对中国城市规划的想法，然后再写上到美国可以怎样帮助你理解这些问题。总之你每次写“这是我的梦”或“我这方面不错”后面都要有实际证据或者是一些成熟的想法，否则就是白写。
In "It's certain.. will help a girl get closer to her goal": don't write "a girl". Just write "me". "A girl" is incredibly colloquial and somewhat uncultured.
"Teachers and Books" should be "Teachers and books" (without the capitalisation).
Do not start a sentence with "So..." (in "So during the time..."). Use "Therefore,".
Your last sentence is unclear. It sounds like you want to mentally map UC Davis. UC Davis is not very interesting, though, so I'm not sure why you would want to do that. Maybe talk about how you plan to visit nearby cities such as San Francisco, LA, and San Diego, and discuss briefly how you think learning about these cities will further your conceptualisation of urban planning.
不要写得好像你是那种怕学艺术太不实际或者没天赋所以转而学城市规划的人。城市规划对社会贡献很大，so be proud of your major!
Good luck!

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