谁能提供一些英语笑话或一些英语的小故事啊?(英语口讲要的啊)要简单些,大概3分钟之内的.口讲用的哦~笑话或短文都可以..是2个人进行的呀!

谁能提供一些英语笑话或一些英语的小故事啊?(英语口讲要的啊)要简单些,大概3分钟之内的.口讲用的哦~笑话或短文都可以..是2个人进行的呀!
谁能提供一些英语笑话或一些英语的小故事啊?(英语口讲要的啊)要简单些,大概3分钟之内的.
口讲用的哦~笑话或短文都可以..
是2个人进行的呀!

谁能提供一些英语笑话或一些英语的小故事啊?(英语口讲要的啊)要简单些,大概3分钟之内的.口讲用的哦~笑话或短文都可以..是2个人进行的呀!
TOM'S EXCUSE
Teacher:Tom,why are you late for school every day?
Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go
Slow".
汤姆的借口
老师：汤姆,您为什么每天上学迟到?
汤姆：我每次路过拐角,一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行."
DID YOUR DAD HELP YOU?
One day,Tim's mathematics teacher looked at his homework and
saw that he had got all his sums right.The teacher was very
pleased-and rather surprised.He called Tim to his desk and
said to him,"You got all your homework right this time,Tim.
What happened?Did your father help you?"
"No,sir.He was too busy last night,so I had to do it all
myself," said Tim.
你爸爸帮你了吗?
一天,蒂姆的数学老师看了他的作业,发现他全做对了.老师很高兴
,同时也十分惊讶.他把蒂姆叫到桌前说："蒂姆,你这次的作业全都
做对了,怎么回事?你爸爸帮你做了吗?"
"不,先生,我爸爸昨天很忙,我不得不全由自己做了."
英语幽默笑话
Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!"
and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!"
汤姆对着吉姆骂道:"我受不了你这个苯蛋了!"
吉姆说:"你妈妈能!"
附:bear 有两重意思:"生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点.
Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!"
and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!"
汤姆对着吉姆骂道:"我受不了你这个苯蛋了!"
吉姆说:"你妈妈能!"
附:bear 有两重意思:"生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点.
圣诞节英语笑话
Peace and love for you at Christmas from all your students.
祝老师圣诞节充满平安和爱.
Wishing you a sparkling Christmas and bright happy New Year!
May the season bring much pleasure to you.
愿你的圣诞光彩夺目,愿你的新年灿烂辉煌!佳节快乐!
Wishing you all the blessings of a beautiful Christmas
season.
愿你拥有圣诞节所有美好的祝福.
Wishing you all the happiness of the holiday season.
祝节日幸福如意.
Hope all your Christmas dreams come true!
愿你所有的圣诞梦想都成真!
英语短笑话
一：She Didn"t Say Anything
A mother and son were washing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the room.Suddenly,there was a crash of breaking dishes,then complete silence.The girl looked at her father and said,“It was Mom”.“How do you know?” asked her father.“She didn"t sayanything.”
二：I Have Turned It Over
A woman said to her husband,“dear,look at our sheet!It"s
too dirty.Would you like to wash it now?”
The man looked at the sheet and then thought for a while and
then said,“I don"t think it"s necessary.We can turn the
sheet over.Is that all right?”
英语四级笑话
一妇女经常光顾一家古董店,但几乎从不买什么东西,却总是对商品和价格吹毛求疵.对于那妇女的粗暴抱怨,经理和她的销售员总是应付了事,但是有一天她做得太过分了.“为什么你们店里总是不能得到我想要的东西?”那名妇女指责说.
职员脸上带着微笑,沉着地回答道：“也许是因为我们太有礼貌了.”
A woman who frequented a small antique shop rarely purchase anything,but always found fault with the merchandise and prices.The manager and her salesclerk took the woman's grumpy complaints in stride,but one day she went too far."Why is it I never manage to get what I ask for in your
shop?" demanded the woman.U %o= +Gc ]h:,.KMu

给你一个网站：http://21stcentury.chinadaily.com.cn/new/index.shtml

英语笑话（一）
Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.
猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这...

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英语笑话（一）
Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.
猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？
Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?
A: By treading on his corn?
如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。
Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?
A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.
因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢？
Q: What do people do in a clock factory?
A: They make faces all day.
一看到make faces这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀！因为除了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。
Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
A: Keep him awake.
怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢？最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法，但如果让梦游者醒着呢，他的确就不会去梦游了。
英语笑话（二）
He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一个大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。
-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？
-- 墓地守墓人。
英语笑话（三）
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
它们是从美国直接带来的
一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。
这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。”
英语笑话（四）my little dog can't read
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不识字
布朗夫人：哦，
亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！
史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！
布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”
英语笑话（五）Bring me the winner
-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
-- Well, bring me the winner then.
给我那个打赢的吧
-- 服务员，
这个龙虾只有一只爪。
-- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。
-- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。
英语笑话（六）The mean man's party.
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"
吝啬鬼请客
一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”
“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”
“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。
英语笑话（七）Advice for "Kid"
A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid."
忠告“年轻者”
这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话，
千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们就叫喊，“让小的干吧。”
英语笑话（八）Which woman?
One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.
On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."
My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?"
哪一位女人？
一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物，回来后发现车身沾满灰尘，于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊：“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。”
我丈夫抬头看了看，说：“妈妈来了？”
英语笑话（九）The doctor lives downstairs
"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."
He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."
医生住在楼下
“医生”她冲进屋后大声说道。
“我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病。”
他从头到脚打量打量她，然后大声说：“太太，我有三件事要对你说。第一，您的体重需要减少大约50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红，您的美貌将会改变。第三，我是一位画家——医生住在楼下。”
英语笑话（十）One Engine Left
A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult."
Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."
At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"
只剩一个引擎
一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意，我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。只是我们要因此晚到一小时 。” 过了一会儿，旅客们又听到机长的声音：“各位，你们猜怎么啦 ？我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了。只有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。” 正在这时，一位乘客非常气愤地说：“看在上帝的份上，如果我们再掉一个引擎，我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。”

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它们是从美国直接带过来的
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At th...

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它们是从美国直接带过来的
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
它们是从美国直接带来的
一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。
这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。”
WHATEVER LOVE MEANS—DIANA
Although neither or them remembered the occasion, Diana first met her future husband when she was just a baby. It happened during the winter of 1961, when twelve-year-old Charles, Prince of Wales, was visiting his mother's Sandringham retreat.
At the time, your Prince Charles barely glanced at the tiny baby sleeping in her cot. After all, bow could a twelve-year-old boy be interested in babies?
But the Prince would eventually take a very keen interest in this particular baby —it would just take some time.
In fact, it would be sixteen years before Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer took place in the middle of a farmer's field during a shooting party in November 1977.
It was a cold, rainy, bleak afternoon when sixteen-year-old Diana, dressed in a borrowed parka that was too large for her, boots, and blue jeans, crossed the field to meet the heir to the British throne.
It was almost twilight when the two came face to face near Nobottle Woods.
"What a sad man," Diana thought when she first saw him. The future Princess was intrigued to finally meet the most eligible bachelor in England, thought she was not impressed with his five-foot-ten-inch height, thinking to herself that she would tower over him in high heels. But Diana would later say that she admired his beautiful blue eyes.
The Prince later remarked that he thought Diana was "a very jolly and attractive" girl, "full of fun," though Diana herself believed that "he barely noticed me at all."
Diana, it was discovered later, first came to the attention of the royal family when she acted as a bridesmaid for her sister Jane's wedding that April. It was the first major social occasion that Diana attended as a young woman. And many of the royals were surprised at how beautiful and mature the once-gawky girl had become.
Even the Queen Mother. Prince Charles's grandmother, noticed Diana's beauty, grace, and charm. She complimented the Earl on the fine job he had done in bringing Diana up.
A short time later, Prince Charles sent his valet to hand-deliver a formal invitation for Diana to accompany him that very evening to the opera and a latenight dinner at the palace.
Though she was flustered, and the invitation came at such short notice, Diana accepted. She and her roommate, Carolyn Bartholomew, hurried to dress and prepare Diana for her big date. The evening was a success, and an invitation to party on the royal yacht came soon after……
Although she was intimidated by the crowd at Balmoral, Diana was wise enough not to stay in the castle itself. She asked for, and was granted, an invitation to stay with her sister Jane and her young husband at their cottage on the Balmoral estate.
The Prince visited Diana there every day, offering to escort her to a barbecue, or extending an invitation for a long walk in the woods.
When Charles went to Switzerland for a ski vacation, Diana missed him terribly. He called her after a day or two, and told Diana he had something important to ask her.
He arrived home on February, 3, 1981.Three days later, he arranged to see Diana at Windsor Castle. Late that evening, while Prince Charles was showing Diana the nursery, he asked her to marry him.
To his surprise, Diana treated his proposal as a joke, She actually giggled. But soon she could see that Prince Charles was serious. Despite an insistent voice inside her head that told her she would never be Queen, she accepted his proposal.
Diana told Prince Charles over and over that she loved him.
"Whatever love means." Was his reply.

爱就是一切——黛安娜
尽管两人已记不清那段往事，可当黛安娜头一次见到她未来的丈夫时，还只是个孩子。那是在1961年的冬天，当时年仅十二岁的威尔士王储查尔斯正呆在夏丁汉他母亲的休养所。
那时，年轻的查尔斯王子几乎看都没看那个睡在童床里的小不点儿。毕竟，十二岁的孩子怎么会对婴儿感兴趣呢？
然而，这位王子最终就是对这个婴孩产生了强烈的兴趣—只不过那是后来的事了。
实际上，查尔斯王子与黛安娜·斯宾塞女士再次相遇已是十六年后了。那次邂逅是在1977年11月的一次乡村狩猎会途中。
那是一个阴雨绵绵，寒风刺骨的下午，十六岁的黛安娜，身穿借来的一件过大的毛皮风雪大衣，足登长靴，下身是一件蓝色牛仔裤。她正经过这片狩猎场朝着这位英国王位继承人走来。
接近黄昏时分，二人在诺布托树木附近迎面相遇。
当黛安娜第一眼看到王子时，心里想：“一个多么忧郁的人。”尽管黛安娜对于他五英尺十英寸的身高并不心为然，觉得要是她穿着高跟鞋肯定会高过他，但这位未来的王妃还是期盼与英国最令人中意的单身汉见面。可是黛安娜后来说她很羡慕王子那双迷人的蓝色眼睛。
虽然黛安娜自己认为“他根本没注意过我”，但王子后来说道，他觉得黛安娜是个“快乐而迷人的”姑娘，“很有趣。”
人们后来发现，黛安娜第一次引起皇室的注意是在那年四月她姐姐简的婚礼上，当时她是伴娘。这是她成年后参加的第一个大型社交活动，许多皇室成员对这个当初还是个粗笨难看的丫头，现如今却出落成如此成熟美丽的女人颇感惊讶。
就连查尔斯王子的祖母王后陛下都注意到了黛安娜的美丽、端庄和迷人。她称赞伯爵对黛安娜的精心培养。
不久之后，查尔斯王子派随从亲手送给她一张正式的请柬，邀请黛安娜当晚陪伴他去看歌剧并出席午夜的宫廷晚宴。
尽管黛安娜感到局促不安，且请柬来得太匆忙，可她还是接受了。她与她的室友卡洛琳·巴赛洛缪，匆匆忙忙地梳洗打扮并为黛安娜做好了去赴这个重大约会的准备。当晚非常尽兴，不久邀请她参加皇家游艇聚会的请柬又接踵而至……..
虽然黛安娜对于拜尔马洛的众王族感到有些害怕，可她十分明智没有前往城堡。她提出请求，并得到批准，邀请她住在姐姐简和简的年轻丈夫在拜尔马洛的别墅中。
王子每天都去那里拜访她，要么提出陪她参加户外烤肉宴，要么邀请她去树林中进行长时间散步。
当查尔斯去瑞士作滑雪旅行时，黛安娜对他朝思暮想。查尔斯到那里一两天后就打电话给她，告诉黛安娜他回英格兰后，要问她一些重要的事情。
1981年2月3日他回来了。三天后，他安排在温莎堡见黛安娜。那天晚上，当查尔斯王子陪黛安娜参观育婴室的时候，他向她求婚。
令王子惊讶的是，黛安娜把他的求婚当作了一个玩笑。她咯咯地笑起来。但不久后她看得出查尔斯王子是认真的。尽管她的脑海中一直有个声音告诫她不要想着去当王妃，可她还是接受了王子的请求。
黛安娜一遍又一遍地对王子说她爱他。
“爱就是一切，”王子答道。

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