有哪位大神帮我看看这篇英语的自我介绍呀~看看语法有没有什么错误之类了,先谢过了First I want to tell you ,we can learn together.I feel very happy.As you can see ,I was a transfer student.Although I fail in my senior e

有哪位大神帮我看看这篇英语的自我介绍呀~看看语法有没有什么错误之类了,先谢过了First I want to tell you ,we can learn together.I feel very happy.As you can see ,I was a transfer student.Although I fail in my senior e
有哪位大神帮我看看这篇英语的自我介绍呀~
看看语法有没有什么错误之类了,先谢过了
First I want to tell you ,we can learn together.I feel very happy.As you can see ,I was a transfer student.Although I fail in my senior entrance examination.But this did not bring me down,I'm not a loser.
My teacher once said to me:'when you have choices,choose the best.when you have no choices,do your best.'
I have to do the best.
Well,hark back to the subject.
I'm a outgoing girl.I love all the things I like.My favorite color is green.Because it represents new.Also,I love music,especially country music,so I like Taylor Swift very much.
Finally,I want say,I can lose suffer a big.But I will stage a comeback.
Hope we can get alone happy.
Thank you for listening to my self introduction.

有哪位大神帮我看看这篇英语的自我介绍呀~看看语法有没有什么错误之类了,先谢过了First I want to tell you ,we can learn together.I feel very happy.As you can see ,I was a transfer student.Although I fail in my senior e
First I want to tell you ,that we can learn together I feel very happy.As you can see ,I was a transfer student.Although I failed(因为是过去式) in my senior entrance examination,but it（代指failure） did not bring me down,I'm not a loser.
My teacher once told me:'when you have choices,choose the best.When you have no choices,do your best.'（顺便提一句,我喜欢你们老师这句话!）
So I have to do my best.
Well,let's hark back to the topic.
I'm an outgoing girl.I love all the things I like.（我总觉得“我爱所有我喜欢的东西”,这句话是废话.不过你喜欢的话也可以加上）My favorite color is green.Because it represents new and flesh.Also,I love music,especially country music,so I like Taylor Swift very much.
Finally,I want to say,I can bear to suffer a big failure.But I will stage a comeback in the end.( 东山再起~我喜欢)
Hope we can get alone happy.
Thank you for listening to my self introduction.

写的挺好，语法没什么错误，很通顺。

I feel very happy改为I feel so happy
I fail in my senior entrance examination改为I feil in my senior entrance examination
But this did not bring me down改为But it did not bring me down
I want say改为I want to say
Hope we can get alone happy改为I hope we can get alone happy

First I want to tell you , we can learn together. I feel very happy. As you can see , I was a transfer student.Suggest to change to: I am a transfer student. I am happy to come here to further my stud...

全部展开

First I want to tell you , we can learn together. I feel very happy. As you can see , I was a transfer student.Suggest to change to: I am a transfer student. I am happy to come here to further my study with all of you.
Although I fail in my senior entrance examination. But this did not bring me down, I'm not a loser.
Suggest; Although I fail in my senior entrance examination. But this did not keep me down.
Suggest: Not to use any negative words especially talking about yourself on the first day. Try: And I refuse to be down.
My teacher once said to me:'when you have choices,choose the best. when you have no choices, do your best.'I have to do the best.
Suggest to think about keeping this quotation or not: This somehow, to me anyway, imply these people you are speaking to is not your best choice. This somehow does not sound flattering.
Suggestion: My teacher once said to me to do my best regardless what situation I am in. I will do my best in this great school.
Well, hark back to the subject. - I don't know what this means. Suggest to loose it.
I'm a outgoing girl. - I find it interesting many people in China ID their gender during a live speech. I am sure your audience can see your gender. Try: I am outgoing, and love country music especially Taylor Swift. My favorite color is green. 'Cause it represents growth in spring time. (the word new - somehow does not seems to be the meaning you looked for?)
How about 'I love all the things I like' - this sentence carries no meaning. Everyone love things because he or she likes it in the first place. Suggest you try: I love basketball, swimming, or reading - something like that.
Finally, I want say, I can lose suffer a big. But I will stage a comeback. - This is English in Chinese syntex. Besides, do you really want to say that again? OK. You want to show your determination. But this is a piece to tell a bunch of people about yourself. How about something light, showing you as a fellow student and possible friend.
OK, if you insist: Finally, I want to say I had met a challenge at the entrance exam; but I am back and standing. I will put more effort into studying.
Hope we can get along happy.= suggest: I hope we can be study companions and may be friends.
keep the last sentence as is.

收起