求大神帮改作文题目是Please Join in Our Charity Auction 要求假设你们学校一年一度的慈善拍卖（charity auction)即将举行,作为负责人的你将在学校的网站上用英语写一篇文章,宣传此次活动.文章的

求大神帮改作文题目是Please Join in Our Charity Auction 要求假设你们学校一年一度的慈善拍卖（charity auction)即将举行,作为负责人的你将在学校的网站上用英语写一篇文章,宣传此次活动.文章的
求大神帮改作文
题目是Please Join in Our Charity Auction
要求
假设你们学校一年一度的慈善拍卖（charity auction)即将举行,作为负责人的你将在学校的网站上用英语写一篇文章,宣传此次活动.文章的内容包括以下几方面：
1.慈善拍卖的目的；
2. 慈善拍卖的相关事宜；
3. 发出倡议.
下面是我写的.估计需要大改动.很急很急啊啊啊!英文很差的孩子真的没办法.
The annual charity auction will be held next Friday in our school.The purpose of this charity auction is to help the children to suffer from the serious disease.The sponsor hope this charity auction will help more and more children far away from disease and make more and more people pay attention to the sick children.
There are some words I want to tell you.The first we hope all of you will join in our charity auction!There are many ways to join us,for example,you can work as a volunteer to help us to prepare the charity auction or donate something that you think it have value. What’s more we will invite some politicians or celebrities to our charity auction.And after charity auction,an evening party for all the guests will be held in the auditorium.
Please join in our charity auction!I think if you join us and you will not be disappointed!
评分网站说我结构欠佳.要把这个东西改到19分以上.我这篇提交的时候评出来的才16.5分.

求大神帮改作文题目是Please Join in Our Charity Auction 要求假设你们学校一年一度的慈善拍卖（charity auction)即将举行,作为负责人的你将在学校的网站上用英语写一篇文章,宣传此次活动.文章的
你写的很好了,能知道你是几年级的吗?高中?
The purpose of this charity auction is to help the children to suffer from the serious disease.
应该为：The purpose of this charity auction is to help the children to avoid suffering the serious disease.
hope+s
and make more and more people pay attention to the sick children.
改为and make people pay attention to the sick children as more as possible,两个more and more 有点重复
he first we hope all of you will join in our charity auction!“will”应该为“could”
There are many ways to join us."many""a couple of"
.And after charity auction,an evening party for all the guests will be held in the auditorium. "and"可有可无
最后一句i think 可改为“in my opinion”或"as far as i can see",把and去掉