请帮忙评价一下一篇高中英语作文,无论什么意见都可以.作文题目是这样的：假如你是李华,北京市某中学高三学生,请你根据以下图示,用英语写一封信给某中学生英语报,谈谈自己对边做事边

请帮忙评价一下一篇高中英语作文,无论什么意见都可以.作文题目是这样的：假如你是李华,北京市某中学高三学生,请你根据以下图示,用英语写一封信给某中学生英语报,谈谈自己对边做事边
请帮忙评价一下一篇高中英语作文,无论什么意见都可以.
作文题目是这样的：
假如你是李华,北京市某中学高三学生,请你根据以下图示,用英语写一封信给某中学生英语报,谈谈自己对边做事边听音乐的看法.
由于图太难画了,我就简单描述一下——第一张图里面是一个男孩在做作业时听音乐,第二张图里面是一个男孩边走路边听音乐,第三张图里面是一个男孩边骑车边听音乐.
注意：
1.要写出自己的看法（赞成或不赞成）、事例、理由和结论；
2.短文开头和结尾已给出,不计入总词数；
3.词数：100左右.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear editor,
I'm a student of Senior Three of a middle school in Beijing Province.I'd like to tell you my opinion about a kind of common behavior I have noticed.It seems that many students enjoy listening to MP3 players while doing other things.
On my way to school or home,I can always catch the sight of not merely one students who are listening to MP3 players while walking or riding a bike.Moreover,I have ever heard that sometimes a few students involuntarily listen to MP3 while doing homework.
Personally,I don't think highly of listening to MP3 players while doing other things.It is universally acknowledged that Chinese Senior 3 students are facing with the pressure of the College Entrance Examination.So they are eager to find a way to relax themselves,which is ever so naturally and reasonable.But why not listen to MP3 players while not doing other things?Why not take up a little time to put alla your hearts and souls into the music?Why do you prefer to listen to music in mindless trancy?
In conclusion,I don't think it's a good kind of common behavior.And you?What do you think of it?I'm looking forward to your reply.
Yours Sincerely,
Li Hua
希望得到中肯的评价,
第一段是已经写好的,不是我写的,我写的是从On my way开始的.
如果总分为30分,这篇作文能打几分?

请帮忙评价一下一篇高中英语作文,无论什么意见都可以.作文题目是这样的：假如你是李华,北京市某中学高三学生,请你根据以下图示,用英语写一封信给某中学生英语报,谈谈自己对边做事边
高三学生a junior of high school
listening to the music while doing some things
one student 不是 students 注意语法
I don't think listening to MP3 players while doing other things is good.表达清楚
最好能说出你的理由,这么做有什么不好的地方.when you are doing your homework, if
the MP3 is open, you can not focus on study. and if you are walking or riding, it is very dangerous for you to disperse your attention, which may cause accident.
问的是你的观点,太多反问不太好