这篇托福作文的分数 满分五分 大概怎么修改一下 Over the past decades ,two inventions which are telephone and televisionhave overwhelmingly influenced our life .because of the popularity of the two inventions,a severe debate on whic

这篇托福作文的分数 满分五分 大概怎么修改一下 Over the past decades ,two inventions which are telephone and televisionhave overwhelmingly influenced our life .because of the popularity of the two inventions,a severe debate on whic
这篇托福作文的分数 满分五分 大概怎么修改一下
Over the past decades ,two inventions which are telephone and television
have overwhelmingly influenced our life .because of the popularity of the two inventions,a severe debate on which one has influenced our life more has emerged.As far as I concerned,I definitely agree with the point that the television’s influence is bigger.
Television makes our life more joyful than that before.You can not imagine what your life will be if we do not have a tv in our home.You have no way to deny that it is the television that provides us sufficient information and amusement.When we are back home after a whole day’ s work,switch on the tv and throw yourself into the coach enjoying an attractive tv programme.It .can’t be more ideal than that!But can you rely on a telephone to amuse yourself?Definitely not.
History has witnessed the increasing connections among countries in the world.It is the television that gives us a chance to get to know other countries and experience a totally different culture in another side of the world.Through the discovery programme,I have acquired a mass of knowledge of geology in the us and other parts of the world.Can you have a thoroughly idea about what the American landscape is by telephone?Maybe the answer is not.
Television also provides us a harmony atmosphere with our family.When we get together,we can sit down and enjoy an interesting movie.And then we have much more common topics to talk about.But we can not improve our relationship just by telephones.
In short,both telephone and television have benefited us a lot,but the influence of television has overweighed the former one.The television,as I consider,has swept over the world and has an essential impact on the world.

这篇托福作文的分数 满分五分 大概怎么修改一下 Over the past decades ,two inventions which are telephone and televisionhave overwhelmingly influenced our life .because of the popularity of the two inventions,a severe debate on whic
其实你这篇作文我没有看的很仔细,但是我个人认为最多三分
这篇文章是很明显的中国学生式作文,开头+结尾+三段论据形式,这么看来缺陷就很明显了：论据不充分
我们准备托福作文的时候要清醒的认识到托福是由美国人出题来考察参加考试的人的英文应用能力的考试,和我们以前参加的类似高考、四六级的英语考试都不一样,他们更加注重的是“言之有物”,而我通篇看下来你作文中每一段基本上是用不同的句型和不同的方式说着一句话
改进的方式也很简单,每个观点都用具体到人时地事物的具体细节给一个支持,甚至可以不要任何逻辑（作为一个语言应用考试,就算你的语言没有逻辑但是说的很清楚明白,考官也是不会扣分的）,做到了细节的支持你的作文得四分应该是不成问题的