这篇雅思小作文值几分RT:The graph indicates the increase in the ageing population in three countries(namely Japan,Sweden and the USA).It is evident from the information that the percentage of elderly people in all three countries listed is e

这篇雅思小作文值几分RT:The graph indicates the increase in the ageing population in three countries(namely Japan,Sweden and the USA).It is evident from the information that the percentage of elderly people in all three countries listed is e
这篇雅思小作文值几分
RT:
The graph indicates the increase in the ageing population in three countries(namely Japan,Sweden and the USA).It is evident from the information that the percentage of elderly people in all three countries listed is expected to increase to almost 25% of the respective populations by the year 2040.
The most obvious increase happened in Japen.With only five percent of the ageing population in 1940,this figure continued to slide away to about four percent in around 1990,at which ponit the proportion of elderly people began to climb steadily to ten percent twenty years later,following an increadibly sharp increase in the next ten years and is projected to reach the peak of approximately 28 percent in 2040.
Meanwhile,some striking similarities happened in Sweden and United States.The percentage of elderly people in both countries increased constantly to about 14 percent and 15 percent respectively before 1980.With a slight decrease to 14 percent in the following 4 decades,this figure in USA begin to climb again in 2020 and is expected to reach 24 percent in 2040.Sweden see some fluctuations in the same period until 2010,at which time the proportion of ageing population in Sweden is predicted to grow to 25 percent in 2040 according to the graph.
.求打分讲解,thanks

这篇雅思小作文值几分RT:The graph indicates the increase in the ageing population in three countries(namely Japan,Sweden and the USA).It is evident from the information that the percentage of elderly people in all three countries listed is e
6.5 逻辑有点乱 不过写的还不错

6分左右。词汇的难度可以加大，比如差不多可以用roughly代替mostly。句式更丰富一点，比如用不定式做句子的开头。同时逻辑略显混乱，可以在描述的内容简洁点。