帮忙修改下语法错误呀,【考研20分作文大概能得几分呢?】Online ShoppingAs is illustrated in the cartoon,large quantities of commodities in their shopping carts are pushed by crowds of people,who are swarming out of television afte

帮忙修改下语法错误呀,【考研20分作文大概能得几分呢?】Online ShoppingAs is illustrated in the cartoon,large quantities of commodities in their shopping carts are pushed by crowds of people,who are swarming out of television afte
帮忙修改下语法错误呀,【考研20分作文大概能得几分呢?】
Online Shopping
As is illustrated in the cartoon,large quantities of commodities in their shopping carts are pushed by crowds of people,who are swarming out of television after shopping.And below the cartoon,there is a topic which says:the convenience and its opposite among the online shopping.
From the cartoon,we can conclude that the cartoonist wants to convey such a message:with the popularity of the computers in the world,the Electronic Business increase rapidly,which has changed the economic style that people has a more convenient way to shop——go to shop online,such as Ebay or Taobao.Meanwhile,there is a good chance of buying a defective product,as people cannot examine the quality when shopping online,which is inconvenience in a sense.All of us accept the fact that the development of the online shopping brings lots of conveniences to our daily life,for instance,we can buy the books,the teacher recommend,on the net instead of going out of home,which is cheaper and more convenient.Besides,we can duly obtain the latest books in the world and some books which had sold out in the local bookstores.But we can’t ignore the other side of these:the quality of the books we get from Internet,which is depended on the integrity of the sellers.And there exist some dishonest and incredible online retailers who may do further damages to buyers’ interests.
To my best understanding,the benefits of online shopping greatly outweigh its drawbacks.People should make better use of shopping and bypass its negative effects.As a coin has two sides,the online shopping is not perfect.There’s no need to concern over the quality of products we brought online.Only in this way can we not only make full use of the shopping tool on the net but also make our life more colorful than before.

帮忙修改下语法错误呀,【考研20分作文大概能得几分呢?】Online ShoppingAs is illustrated in the cartoon,large quantities of commodities in their shopping carts are pushed by crowds of people,who are swarming out of television afte
大概看了一下,有几个小错误,文章太长,阅卷老师没空看的,总体来说还不错,15分有吧
which is inconvenience in a sense-------inconvenience 应是形容词形式
conveniences ---不可数名词,不可加s
And there exist ---这种说法总觉得别扭,就用there are 好了,当然你那样也不能算错

给的分太少了 20分能得到15-17分

给的分太少了 20分能得到11-15分