求批改SAT作文Should people take more responsibility for solving problems that affect their communities or the nation in general?Some people think that individuals should shoulder the responsibility to solve problems that may affect the whole com

求批改SAT作文Should people take more responsibility for solving problems that affect their communities or the nation in general?Some people think that individuals should shoulder the responsibility to solve problems that may affect the whole com
求批改SAT作文
Should people take more responsibility for solving problems that affect their communities or the nation in general?
Some people think that individuals should shoulder the responsibility to solve problems that may affect the whole community.They argued that if we are born in a country then we are born with certain responsibilities. However, it may sometimes serves as a false notion for individuals to follow. How can we handle an overwhelming problem with individuals' power? These efforts are normally useless or even incur negative effects.
Some severe problems are so overwhelming that individuals can help nothing with these problems.As an illustration, the Great Depression may enlighten us. When the whole nation falls into trouble, it goes without saying that government is the only power that we can count on. President Roosevelt didn't let us down. He called up people to build up dams and other infrastructures in order to boom up American economy. But let's bear it in mind:It's the whole country that back up the president, not just Roosevelt himself. In this case , we may clearly draw the conclusion that organizations with their collective power, can usually function well in the face of threat. Thus it's an insane decision to devote individuals' infinitely small power to taking over the whole responsibility of a crisis.
Sometimes, individuals' effort may not only be useless but also worsen the problem. Some extremists may serve as a good example. The last decade saw humans went through numerous increasingly serious environmental problems. Therefore, some extremists gathered up on the main road of some cosmopolitan cities,causing severe traffic jams in rush hours. They claim that they are fighting against humans' pollution to the nature without noticing that themselves are conflicting the blame on the innocent,leading to large amount of loss of every citizen. Nevertheless, we can't blame them for their naive idea to protect the nature. But it's worth noting that individuals' armless effort can really show its side effects.
After viewing the above cases, we may learn a lesson from them: When faced with serious problems, it's the whole community instead of individuals' responsibility to protect us. However, we should still remember individuals' efforts are indispensable to spread our moral value.Let's bear the famous saying in mind: We may walk well by ourselves, but we will walk better collectively.

求批改SAT作文Should people take more responsibility for solving problems that affect their communities or the nation in general?Some people think that individuals should shoulder the responsibility to solve problems that may affect the whole com
Some people think that individuals should shoulder the responsibility to solve problems that may affect the whole community.They argued that we are born with certain responsibilities because of our nationalities（用假设显得繁琐）.However,it(指代不明) may sometimes serves as a false notion for individuals to follow.How can we handle an overwhelming problem with（少冠词） individuals' power?These efforts are normally useless or （will）even incur negative effects.
Some severe problems are so overwhelming that one single individual can do nothing to help.（individuals can help nothing with these problems）As an illustration,the Great Depression may enlighten us.It goes without saying that when the whole nation falls into trouble,government is the only power that to count on(句子顺序换了一下).President Roosevelt didn't let us down.He called up people to build up dams and other infrastructures in order to boom up American economy.But let's bear it in mind:It's the whole country that back up the president,not just Roosevelt himself.In this case ,we may clearly draw the conclusion that organizations with their collective power,can usually function well in the face of threat.Thus it's an insane decision to devote individuals' infinitely small power to taking over the whole responsibility of a crisis.（例子这边的语法我就不改了,但是这个例子不够直接,可以跳过罗斯福一个人的那段,直入主题说是美国人民共同努力度过的危机.））
Sometimes,individuals' effort（s） may not only be useless but also worsen the problem.(not only...but also 后面的东西没有平行) .Some extremists（有点不清楚extremist到底extreme在哪里） may serve as a good example.The last decade saw（完成时 has seen） humans went through numerous increasingly serious environmental problems.Therefore,some extremists gathered up（to do what?maybe to parade?） on the main road（s） of some cosmopolitan cities,causing severe traffic jams in rush hours.They claim(ed) that they are(were) fighting against pollution to the nature,but actually they were also doing bad things.Thsey are(were) conflicting the blame on the innocent,leading to large amount of loss of every citizen.Nevertheless,we can't blame them for their naive idea to protect the nature.But it's worth noting that individuals' armless effort can really show its side effects(?这句话没看懂).我觉得例子还是不太贴切,因为extremists 是 gather up 的所以算不上individual吧
After viewing the cases above（两个词换了个位置） ,we may learn a lesson from them（指代不明,from them 可以删掉）:When faced with serious problems,it's the whole community's instead of the individuals' responsibility to protect us（why do we have to be protected?shouldn't solving problems be the right response?）.However,we should still remember(that) individuals' efforts are indispensable to(for?) spread(ing) our moral value(s).Let's bear the famous saying in mind(一篇文章里最好不要用两次bear...in mind):We may walk well by ourselves,but we will walk better collectively.
总体来说文章观点清晰,但是例子均不鲜明,且语法错误真的有点多哈,所以大概8分吧.以上仅供参考.

词类丰富，未发现拼写错误，同时过渡词和衔接词也很丰富
"Some people think that individuals should shoulder the responsibility to solve problems that may affect the whole community. "
此句型用的太过频繁，建议改为sb. suppose +从句或sb. cl...

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词类丰富，未发现拼写错误，同时过渡词和衔接词也很丰富
"Some people think that individuals should shoulder the responsibility to solve problems that may affect the whole community. "
此句型用的太过频繁，建议改为sb. suppose +从句或sb. claim +从句或sb. agree +从句或第一人称时替换为As far an I am concerned.
it goes without saying that 用得很棒！
worsen在做“恶化”讲时，是普通词汇，建议替换为deteriorate
其他的，建议你到“新东方批改网”上去改一下，都是老外改的，思路比较偏老美的风格，还会评分什么的，效果不错

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