全分求英语高手帮听听这篇口技的原文!急需这篇口技的英文原文,一句句写下来最好,决不食言!

全分求英语高手帮听听这篇口技的原文!急需这篇口技的英文原文,一句句写下来最好,决不食言!
全分求英语高手帮听听这篇口技的原文!
急需这篇口技的英文原文,一句句写下来最好,决不食言!

全分求英语高手帮听听这篇口技的原文!急需这篇口技的英文原文,一句句写下来最好,决不食言!
死人的名字“akmed"我也不知道怎么拼音.
有很多笑话你可能听懂但是听不明白,你可以问我.我觉得这样学习是很有意思.加油!
下面也有很多我打字打错, 因为我打字快.但是下面我保障是很不错的transcription.
"ackmed" the dead terrorist
goodeveing ackme
goodevening, infidel
so you're a terrorist
yes i'm a terrorist
what kind of terrorist
a terrifying terrorist
are you scared
not really no
(ERERER)
and now?
not reall no?
(ERERE)
how about now?
no.
god damnit.
oh.i mean allah damnit
silence, i kill you!
so, uh, akmed
no, no its akmed
thats what i said
no you said akmed, its akmed.
silence, I kill you.
how do you spell it?
what?
how do you spell your name.
oh lets see an "a", "c", "plemgh"
silence, i kill you!
so akmed, if your a terrorist i would suppose you have some sort of specialty
yes i am a suicide bomber
so your finished
what?
YOU'VE done your job
no i haven't
but your dead
no i'm not, i feel fine
but you're all bone
it's a flesh wound.
silence. i kill you.
what the hell happened to my feet.
son of a bitch, what the hell, o wait a minute. what the hell, what are you doing. what it..stop it. what are you doing. stop touching me!
i kill you!
alright just hold on we'll fix this.
okay wait hold on what are you doing holding . in the air wait wait something is backwards holding.
I need some ligaments
Just sit still
okay I will not move my ass.
you idiot, you don't have an ass.
is that walter?
yea
he scares the crap out of me
please do not put me back in the same suit case.
why?
he has gas!
sadams mustard gas was nothing compared to a walter fart.
(hahahahahah)
its not funny.he will kill us.
listen akmed i have something to tell you.
what?
you really are dead.
are you sure?
yes.
I just got my flu shot.
you really are dead.
wait, if i'm dead..uo!..that means i get my seventy two virgins.
are you my virgins?
I hope not.
why?
theres a bunch of ugly ass guys out there.
If this is paradise I've been screwed.
Well did they say it would only be female virgins?
holy crap!
wait, i could have clay aiken. (ahahahahah)
i told a joke!
so listen akmed, where di you come from?
your friken suitcase.(hahaha)
i told another one.
look if you've been in my suitcase all this time how did you get through security at the airport.
oh thats easy, they open the case and I go. Hellooo, I am Lindsey Lohan.
I told another joke, i can do this crap too.
Ok heres another one. two jews walk in in a bar bar.
no no.
what you don't let jews in your bar? you racist bastard.
what i mean is that i don't want racist jokes in my act.
okay how about if i kill the jews.
no.
i'm kidding i would not kill the jews.
i would toss a penny between them and watch them fight to the death.
yes yes i did the same thing with two catholic priests but i tossed in a small boy.
yes yes and the winner had to fight michael jackson.
akmed stop doing this you can't tell jokes like that.
why not. i'm killing so to speak
well you can't tell jokes like that it
what?
it ofends people.
i'm dead what do i care.
what do you want me to do, knock knock jokes?
well you better.
okay, knock knock.
whos there.
me i kill you.
so look as a suicide bomber have you had training?
of course we had this suicide bomber training camp
was that a nice facility?
it used to be.
what happened?
new guy.the idiot tried to practice
and what did you guys learn from that?
location, location, location.
so do you guys have any kind of motto?
like what?
like were looking for a few good men.
we're looking for idiots with no future.
so where do you get your recruits?
the suicide hotline.
that was dark was it not.
so what exactly happened to you?
if you must know, i am a horrible suicide bomber.
i had a premature detonition.
i set the timer for 30 minutes bbut it went off in 4 seconds. you know what thats like right?
mr. hurricane.
(hahahaha)
so akmed what exactly happend to you?
well i was getting gasoline and i answered the cell phone. can you hear me know..(keheoh)
at first i thought it was because i went over my minutes.
thats too bad.
its okay i took that verizon bastard with me.
so uh, whats its like to die, do you see white light?0
if you're dumb enough to watch the explosion, yes
no i mean some people say when you die you see white light, what did you see?
i saw flying car parts.
what was the last thing that went through your mind
my ass. walter told me to tell that joke.
so you never saw a white light?
no but i saw a blue prius.
do you really have one a those vehicles? that is not a car thats a lunch box. do you know when your going down the highway with a prius and you put your hand out the window the vehicle will turn.
you did all this for a bunch of virgins?
are you kidding me?
i'd kill you for a klondik bar..
so i guess your muslim.
i don't think so.
you're not muslim.
no one look on my ass it says made in china. walter says i'm just a stinkin halloween decoration.
so do you like being in dc?
i think some idiots must live here.
why?
for example the washington monument it looks nothing like the guy.
it looks more like a tribute to bill clinton.
what do you think of bush?
uu, i love bush..oh you mean the president i'm sorry.

大哥，我```我``我没那么高的文化。不好意思，虽然我很热心。也很想要分，可是属本人文化低````

http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XNzY5OTQyNjA=.html 中文
全部搞定,翻的我满头大汗啊
http://www.tudou.com/programs/view/IHSyKUaW9Gc/ 英文