跪求高人评分雅思作文,如有修改另追加分数小女不才,写了一篇雅思作文跪求高人给与评判,以便上场时心里有数.如修改合理另行追加高分.拜谢In the modern world,the school has become unnecessary for chil

跪求高人评分雅思作文,如有修改另追加分数小女不才,写了一篇雅思作文跪求高人给与评判,以便上场时心里有数.如修改合理另行追加高分.拜谢In the modern world,the school has become unnecessary for chil
跪求高人评分雅思作文,如有修改另追加分数
小女不才,写了一篇雅思作文跪求高人给与评判,以便上场时心里有数.如修改合理另行追加高分.拜谢
In the modern world,the school has become unnecessary for children to study.They can use Internet which has a great deal of information available for children so that children can study at home instead.To what extent do you agree or disagree?
With the rapid movement of Internet technology in contemporary world,surfing the Internet has become an indispensible part of people’s lives,especially of young students’.Therefore,whether the Internet could replace the school is getting increasing attention.In my opinion,Internet has its pros and cons,both of which should be considered.
It is evident that the school has many unique advantages that Internet cannot provide.Firstly,teachers are the major teaching strength of school.They can have interactions with students and impart knowledge accordingly.Secondly,the atmosphere at school will never be offered by Internet.Students have both corporations and competitions,which can effectively help children’s study.Finally,the communications with people is also primary in youngsters’ growth.They can get a lot more than what textbooks tell them when involved in a small community there.
Nevertheless,we cannot deny that the Internet has its own competitive edge.It contains considerable amounts of information and makes long-distance visits so easy.Students thus have access to each kind of resources all over the world,which could enhance their study effectiveness and also broaden their horizons.However,since most of parents have no time to supervise their children to do home learning,these adolescents are likely to be exposed with excessive violent and pornographic contents,which is far away from what parents expected.
Overall,Internet to some extent can help students with their study.Yet it can never replace the crucial role the school plays on students’ study.If we synthesize the school teaching with home learning via the Internet,youngsters’ academic work will be conducted better.

跪求高人评分雅思作文,如有修改另追加分数小女不才,写了一篇雅思作文跪求高人给与评判,以便上场时心里有数.如修改合理另行追加高分.拜谢In the modern world,the school has become unnecessary for chil
你的第一句可千万别这么写.改!别用 WITH THE .
第二段连词 多用用 moreover futhermore in addition besides 来代替 firstly secondly thridly
结构挺好 的
就这样写
改完能得个6.5-7