英语幽默小故事mp3

篇一：英语幽默小故事

1、New Discovery

A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young

model stepped off the elevator.

Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, "I shouldhave brought my wife!"

新发现

一个乡下人第一次到大城市游逛。他走进一座大楼，看见一个岁数很大的矮胖女人迈进一个小房间。房间的门随后关上，有几个灯在闪亮。一会儿，门开了，电梯里走出一位年青漂亮的女模特。

乡下人惊奇地眨着眼睛，慢吞吞地说：“我应该把我的老婆带来!”

hillbilly

n. 乡下人，乡巴佬.

pudgy

adj.矮胖的，矮而粗的

drawl

vt, vi慢吞吞地说；拉长语调地说

2、Always Thirsty

"I had an operation," said a man to his friend, "and the doctor left a sponge in me."

"That's terrible!" said the friend. "Got any pain?"

"No, but I am always thirsty!"

总感到口渴

一个男人对他的朋友说：“我动了一次手术，手术后医生把一块海绵忘在我的身体里了。”

“真是太糟糕了！”朋友说道：“你觉得疼吗？”

“不疼，可是我总感到口渴。”

He Won

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

他赢了

汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？

约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。

汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？

约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan.

"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”

“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。

“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。

“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

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"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."

"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，?醉?字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”

Hospitality

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a

moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

好客

由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。

英语小笑话

上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, "Do you

know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著 性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的

一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是

A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟 能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了.

A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"

一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"且话偻蚰昴?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."

1,Two birls

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

两只鸟

老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？

学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老师：请说说看。

学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

2. The Fish Net

"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"

"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

鱼网

"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。

"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。

3. The New Teacher

George comes from school on the first of September.

"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.

"I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."

新老师

9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。

"乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。

"妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。"

4. A physics Examination

Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.

The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?

Nick\'s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.

一次物理考试

在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。

这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？

尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。

篇二：英语幽默小故事6篇

1、Good use of cry 哭的妙用

The parents with their three-year-old son went to see film.

When they walked into the cinema, the attendant said to them,

“you’ll have to go out if your son cries. But we’ll refund

you the tickets.” About half an hour later, the husband

asked his wife, “What do you think of the film?”

“I’ve never seen such a boring film.” His wife answered.

“It’s not worth seeing.”

“I don’t think much of it, either.” The husband said.

“Wake the child up and let him cry.”

一对夫妇带着他们3岁的儿子去看电影。进电影院时，服务员对他们说：“如果你们的儿子哭了，你们就得出去。不过我们会给你们退票的。”大约半个小时以后，丈夫对妻子说：“你觉得这电影怎么样？”“我从没看过这么没劲的电影。”妻子回答说，“真不值得看。”“我也不喜欢看。”丈夫说：“叫醒孩子，让他哭。”

2、What a Smart Wife家有笨妻

A newly married woman was sitting on a chair,

looking vexed, when her husband came home.

"What's up? Why do you look so troubled?"

the husband asked. The woman replied,

"I'm so sorry. I was ironing your new suit and

burned a hole in your trousers." And the man said,

"That's all right. I have another pair that is exactly the same."

"Thank God you do. I used it to mend this pair,"

the wife responded.

有一个刚结婚的太太，坐在椅子那边，看起来很懊恼，她先生回家看到她这个样子，就问：‘嗨，你怎么啦？为什么看起来这么懊恼呢？’太太说：‘很抱歉，你那件新做的西装裤被我烫坏了，烫成一个洞了。’他先生说：‘啊！那个没关系啦！我还有另外一件一样的裤子。’ 她说：‘是啊，还好我把那件新的拿出来补那件被我烫坏的。’

3、Endearing terms

英语幽默故事:可爱的称呼

Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That is really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, and you keep calling your wife those pet names." Morris hung his head and whispered," To tell the truth, I forgot her name three years ago."

Bernie应邀来到他的朋友Morris家吃晚餐。在朋友家，Bernie发现，不管问他老婆什么问题，Morris总要在每句话的前面加上一些亲密的称呼，象蜜糖，我的爱人，亲爱的，甜心等等。Bernie对Morris说，“你们夫妻俩真够亲密的，结婚这么多年了，你还叫她叫得那么亲密。”Morris低下头，小声地对Bernie说，“老实跟你说吧，三年前我忘记老婆的真名是什么了。”

4、Are you a normal person？你是正常人吗？

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director ..., "What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized?" "Well..." said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, and we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon or the teacup." "Noooooooo!" answered the director. "A normal person would pull the plug."

参观一所精神病院的时候一个参观者问院长，“你们是用什么标准来决定一个人是否应该被关进精神病院呢？” “呃? ?”院长说，“是这样，我们先给一个浴缸放满水，然后我们给病人一个调茶匙，一个茶杯和一个水桶去把浴缸里面的水放清。” “噢，我明白了”， 参

观者说。“一个正常人会选择水桶， 因为水桶比茶匙，茶杯的体积大。” “错了”，“院长回答”“正常人会把浴缸塞子拔掉”。

5、英文幽默老虎来了

Two guys were walking through the jungle. All of a sudden, a tiger appears from a distance, running towards them.

One of the guys takes out a pair of "Nikes" from his bag and starts to put them on. The other guy with a surprised look and exclaims, "Do you think you will run faster than the tiger with those?"

His friend replies: "I don't have to out run it, I just have to run faster than you."

两个男人正在穿过丛林，突然，一只老虎出现在远处，向他们冲来。

其中的一个人从包里拿出一双“耐克”鞋，开始穿上。另一个人惊奇地看着他说，“你以为穿上这个就可以跑得过老虎吗？”

他的朋友回答道：“我不用跑得过它，我只要跑得比你快就行了。”

6、Another 40 Years to live

再活40年

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live." Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, lip-suction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even had someone come in and change her hair color, figuring since she had so much more time to live, she might as well make the most of it. She got out of the hospital after the last operation and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 Years? "God replied, "I didn't recognize you."

一名中年妇女心脏病突发被送到了医院， 在手术台上，濒临死亡之际，她看到了上帝， 于是，她问上帝是不是她的日子到头了。 上帝回答说，“还没有，你还能活43年，2个月零8天。” 身体快要康复的时候，这名女士想到自己还要活那么多年，得好好对待自己，于是决定先不出院，而是去给自己整整容，吸吸脂，隆隆胸，然后还做了一个腹部拉皮和其它一些美容美体手术。 她甚至还请人到医院里面帮她头发给染了。 做完最后一个手术，这位女士出院了， 但就在过马路的时候，她被一辆风驰电挚赶回医院的救护车给撞死了。 再一次，她又站到了上帝的面前，她大惑不解地问上帝，“我记得你说我还能再活40年？” 上帝回答，“那个时候我没认出你来”。

篇三：英语单词速记记忆mp3下载高中懒人背单词我爱背单词读故事记单词轻轻松松背单词

英语单词速记记忆mp3下载高中懒人背单词我爱背单词读故事记单词轻轻松松背单词

你是否也遇到这样的困惑：学了那么久的英语，也下了不少工夫，可还是记不住英语单词??为什么中国人学不好英语呢？中国传统英语教育纠结于痛苦疲劳的背诵，浪费了太多的精力在无效的死记硬背之中。这个可悲的误区让中国无数的英语学习者沦为了英语学习的牺牲品。

其实，做任何事情都要讲究方法，传统的死记硬背的背单词方法虽然被大多数人采用，虽然被许多老师称为“正统”，但其实却是最低效、最容易遗忘的方法。谷雨单词速记网向大家推荐一种向传统的背单词方法发出严正挑战的，可以真正使我们快速、高效、轻松，在不知不觉中就能记牢英语单词的方法，供大家学习参考。

bliss n. 好福气，天福

【记法】谐音：不理事

【联想】什么事情都不要干，别人都给干得好好的，这样的人真是好福气

brisk a. 敏捷的，轻快的

【记法】分解为：b（避）＋risk（危险），躲避危险

【联想】动作敏捷才能躲避危险，躲避危险就需要动作敏捷

boudoir n. 闺房

【记法】谐音：不得娃

【联想】小姐的闺房当然不能生出娃娃

bum n. 屁股

【记法】分解为：bu（布）＋m（蒙），用布蒙起来

【联想】屁股当然要用布蒙起来，否则就是流氓

caprice n. 怪想法

【记法】分解为：cap（帽子）＋rice（米）

【联想】用帽子装大米想法显然就是个怪想法

cast vt. 投，扔，抛

【记法】分解为：cat（猫）＋s（蛇），肚子里怀上蛇的猫

【联想】肚子里怀上蛇的猫谁敢要？赶快仍！

chide v. 责备，骂

【记法】分解为：c（错）＋hide（藏）

【联想】把错藏起来，其目的就是为了不受责备

dapple v.（使…）有斑点

【记法】分解为：d（掉）＋apple（苹果），苹果掉在地上

【联想】苹果掉在地上就会生斑点

dearth n. 饥荒，饥馑

【记法】分解为：d（冻）＋earth（土地）

【联想】土地结冻了就长不出庄稼，闹饥荒是自然的了

elf n. 淘气鬼，小玩皮

【记法】与self（自己）比较，少了开头的s，所以elf是少了头的自己

【联想】一个小孩子把自己的头都给玩掉了，真够淘气的

frown vi. 皱眉

【记法】分解为：fr（肥肉）＋own（自己的），自己身上的肥肉

【联想】谁看到自己身上长满了肥肉都会皱眉头

giddy a. 轻佻的

【记法】谐音：给底

【联想】喜欢把自己的裙底亮给别人，这样的女人真轻佻

gloomy a. 郁闷，阴郁

【记法】谐音：戈路迷

【联想】居然在戈壁滩里迷路了，怎么能让人不郁闷？

ignorance n. 无知，愚昧

【记法】谐音：一个no认识

【联想】斗大的字一个都不认识，真无知

insane a. 精神错乱的

【记法】分解为：in（前缀不）＋san（三）＋e（鹅），数不清三只鹅

【联想】连3只鹅都数不清楚，精神一定有问题

languid a. 倦怠的，无精打采的

【记法】谐音：懒鬼的

【联想】一个懒鬼什么事情都不想做，整天都是无精打采的

lean vi.倾斜，屈身

【记法】分解为：lea（立）＋n（not不），立不住

【联想】立不住当然就要倾斜

lisp n.& v. 口齿不清

【记法】分解为：lip（嘴唇）＋s（死），嘴唇死板

【联想】一个人的嘴唇不灵活，说话时肯定口齿不清

loaf v. 混日子，鬼混

【记法】谐音：漏富

【联想】混日子的人什么财富都能漏掉

needy a. 贫困的

【记法】分解为：need（需要）＋y（银），需要银子

【联想】贫困的人最需要的就是银子

oust vt. 轰，撵

【记法】分解为：out（出）＋s（扫），扫地出门

【联想】一个人被扫地出门了，那也就是被人撵走了啊

pauper n. 贫民，穷人

【记法】分解为：paper（纸）＋u（有）

【联想】富人的钱很多，但穷人是光只有纸而没有钱

pert a. 不客气的

【记法】分解为：per（每）＋t（偷），每个人都偷

【联想】每个人都偷，真不客气

pinch v. 拧，捏

【记法】分解为：p（胖）＋inch（英寸），胖了一英寸

【联想】我的脸被妈妈给拧肿了，胖了一英寸

prig n. 自命不凡者

【记法】分解为：pig（猪）＋r（儒）

【联想】一个猪宣称自己是一头儒雅的猪，这只猪显然是一个自命不凡者

pore vi. 钻研

【记法】谐音：泡

【联想】钻研一个东西就要泡在里面，花上许多时间和精力

repent v. 后悔，懊悔

【记法】分解为：re（前缀再）＋pen（钢笔）＋t（偷），钢笔再次被偷

【联想】钢笔再次被偷，后悔自己不小心

spur v.刺激

【记法】谐音：屎泼

【联想】拿屎去泼人家，刺激不了对方才怪呢

sprain vt.& n. 扭伤

【记法】分解为：sp（赛跑）＋rain（雨），雨天赛跑

【联想】在雨天赛跑容易扭伤

urbane a. 有礼貌的，文雅的

【记法】分解为：urban（城市的）＋e（鹅）

【联想】与乡下的鹅相比，城市里的鹅是有礼貌的

waif n. 无家可归者，流浪儿童

【记法】分解为：wai（外）＋f（放）

【联想】一个被外放的人是无家可归的

weird a. 不可思议的，奇怪的

【记法】分解为：we（我们）＋ird（bird鸟），ird是无头的鸟

【联想】一觉醒来我们都变成了无头的小鸟，真是不可思议的一件事啊